Tonight's combatants are an emperor and a roadie. It may sound lopsided, but neither competitor is who they seem!
The emperor is Constantine XI Palaiologos, the last emperor of Byzantine. His Highness has brought with him many interesting weapons. His main weapon is a mace capable of spraying acidic orange juice, but he also had brought with him an osmium shield and a ceremonial spear. We may have also seen a crazy-looking rabbit poking out from within the emperor's armor.
The roadie is Eddie Riggs, a musician who can turn into a demon and has brought a gigantic axe and a mystical guitar to the battle. The guitar can play so many different magical types of music that it's always been on the line between weapon and basic item.
Now that you've met the fiters, let's get this battle underway! Constantine and Eddie, it's time to Fite Yer' Mate!
Eddie slams forward with his axe, but it is immediately blocked by the strong shield of the emperor. Constantine swings forward with his mace, but Eddie reaches up and grabs the handle with one of his meaty hands. The two struggle briefly over the weapon, but Constantine quickly activates the orange juice spewing feature of his weapon. The acidic liquid rich in vitamin C shoots out, and Eddie quickly releases the weapon. His fingertips are splashed with a bit of the liquid though, and his right hand's fingers dissolve at their ends.
Eddie backs off and whips his guitar around, placing his axe on his back for the moment. Eddie tries to play a song, but his dissolved fingers make it a painful and bloody affair. He does manage to whip out one solo though: The Rock Block.
Constantine was charging forward with his spear, trying to reach Eddie while he wasted his time playing some song. What the Byzantine did not know was that the solo summoned from the ground giant rock structures, and in the middle of his charge, he found his spear hitting a large stone that shot out of the ground. The weapon snapped, and Constantine was quickly surrounded by a circle of rock structures similar to Stonehenge.
Constantine began hitting at the stones with his mace, trying to knock one down so he could find a way out, but he felt something stirring in his armor. He pulled out the tiny rabbit, whose face appeared to be changing shape. The rabbit was growing...
Eddie manages to play another song before his fingers were too messy for music: Drop a Deuce. His hot rod, the Druid Plow, comes slamming through an arena wall, and Eddie climbs into it and charges towards the rock structure, hoping to knock it down onto Constantine. But within the stone structure, the metal song had invigorated the rabbit further. It was growing massive, and as it grew, Constantine mounted the lagomorph like a horse.
The stone structures are pushed down, and Eddie had to veer out of the way to prevent his car from being crushed. The emperor's rabbit had grown huge, and now looked very familiar...
Eddie leaps out of the plow, slamming his axe into the rabbit's face. The rabbit faltered, but was not dead, but it gave enough time for Eddie to leap up onto it and knock Constantine XI off. The rabbit busied itself with destroying the car as Eddie lashed out with his axe once more, but a strong mace swing hit Eddie square in the jaw, breaking bone and burning skin as orange juice continued flowing out. Eddie feels his soul patch dissolve and quickly rubs off the acid as best he can with his shirt. Of course, Constantine just used this chance to drive his mace into his opponent's stomach.
Eddie fell to the ground, his wind knocked out of him. Constantine raised his mace to deliver a crushing blow to Eddie's skull, but the rabbit launched towards the roadie. It had finished with Eddie's rig and now focused on Eddie Riggs. He scooped Eddie up into his jaws, causing Constantine's mace to slam uselessly into the dirt. The rabbit swallowed Eddie whole, ingesting the metal power of the gifted roadie.
Constantine looks disapprovingly at the rabbit, but uses the moment to dust off his armor. An emperor should always look regal, even in the middle of the battle! He watched as the rabbit's flesh and fur melted off, his rabbit-like body shifting more and more to look like his form as a Zoofighter.
Suddenly, an axe shoots out of the rabbit's back. Really, the rabbit swallowed Eddie and his AXE too! Not very smart, but he is just a bunny. Two demonic hands shoot out and pull the rabbit open. The bunny falls to the ground dead as the now demonic Eddie stood in its wrecked stomach, his axe at the ready. Constantine charged forward, the acidic orange juice spewing out in front of him to try and burn the demonic roadie, but it ended up making the ground in front of him acidic as well. Constantine's boots dissolved as Eddie dodged the spray with ease.
The axe of the demon slammed down on Constantine's back, pushing him directly into the acidic beverage face-first. Constantine rolled off of it quickly, but his entire front was now burning away from the orange liquid's effects. Constantine pulls himself up, but his body is failing. He swings his mace forward one more time, managing to crack a few of Eddie's ribs, but the emperor's limbs are getting weaker from dissolving flesh and muscle.
Eddie kicks the emperor away before the mace could fire more juice, but Constantine grabs Eddie's axe and pulls it away from him. Constantine falls down, but quickly gets back up, now wielding the axe and his mace. His arms are weak, but now he held all the weapons in this fite!
He lunges forward, trying to do some damage even if he couldn't put any strength behind the two weapons. Eddie backed up, unable to truly strike back with anything but his one good demonic claw, but that would require putting himself in Constantine's range.
Eddie reached towards his back and pulled out his guitar. Quickly, he tried to play it, but his hand was too messed up by now from the acid earlier. Eddie just switched his hands, and although it was still difficult, and the guitar strings were now coated in his blood, he managed one riff. Constantine slammed the axe forward, slicing the guitar's strings and breaking the instrument, but the solo had been played.
Constantine slammed Eddie to the ground with his mace. The emperor stood above the defenseless demon roadie, both weapons raised, but suddenly he dropped them. His face was changing. It was melting! Eddie had played the Facemelter solo! Constantine screamed a loud "NOOOOO!!!!" as his face melted off of his skull.
Or until, you know, he decides he wants to come back.
Eddie wins the match though!
