I've got a very special treat for you all, it’s a Fite Yer’ Mates Surprise Fite! A fight between two frequent users, lurkers who browse the forums but never post at all! Tonight, we shall force them to combat each other for our own amusement! Yahoo [Bot] and Google [Bot], It's time to Fite Yer' Mate!
Yahoo Bot and Google Bot are quickly grabbed by Gezora’s tentacles as they attempt to secretly observe the bar and collect notes for their parent companies. Before they can even realize what is happening, Gezora signals for the fight to start. The robots eye each other; Yahoo Bot had no idea who it was facing, but the Google Bot immediately noticed the trademarked Yahoo logo on its opponent’s stomach. A competitor! And if Google couldn’t buy out a competitor, they beat it to death with their superiority. Google Bot scuttles towards the hovering Yahoo Bot , the bar in its mouth changing to say “DIE YAHOO!”
Yahoo Bot realizes it must prove its superiority against its new foe in order to keep the advertisers from leaving its parent company, so it begins to rush towards its opponent too. Neither could afford to appear on the defensive, investors hate defensive fighters! The two collide and Google Bot’s small frame goes flying. Its tiny frame is built for speed in searching, not for taking powerful hits. Google is all about simplicity, whereas Yahoo offers more content. Yahoo Bot continues its dash and tries to smack Google Bot out of the sky, but Google Bot’s spider legs quickly grasp on to the arm!
Yahoo Bot tries to smack off the spidery bot, but one of Google Bot’s legs presses the rewind button below Yahoo’s eyes! Yahoo Bot begins sailing back to where it was at the start of the match and its mind resets to the confused state it was originally in. Google Bot uses the momentary advantage to attack its true target: the Yahoo logo. Without brand recognition, this robot would have no hope of earning the investors’ favor! The glowing red eyes of Google fire lasers at the logo and cut out a chunk of Yahoo’s chassis, causing it to fall to the ground and exposing Yahoo’s insides! But there is something besides wires within Yahoo Bot…
Yahoo Bot takes advantage of the time Messenger bought it to pick up its severed logo and hurl it at Google. The chunk of metal hits Google in the eye, breaking one of them like Messenger had tried to do. Google reels backwards and tries to charge towards Yahoo Bot, barely able to reach its former scuttling speed. Messenger stops crying and gets back up, its face shifting into the red angry face. Yahoo Bot and Messenger both charge towards the spidery robot, but Google begins to send out a signal to one of its many services. “Google Maps, Google Earth, Youtube, anybody, help me!” Just before the two Yahoo fighters reach Google Bot, one of the programs pops out of the word bar on Google’s face…
It’s Google +! Google’s new social network has something to prove, and it immediately goes charging towards messenger. “Anything social besides Google must be culled!” Messenger bounces backwards, but the face’s hopping is no match for the hovering Google + logo. Google + goes in for a deadly bite, but Messenger shifts into the odd Rose emoticon, barely ensuring that Google +’s teeth miss anything important to the Smiley’s survival. The two robots turn back to each other, choosing to focus on each other while their services duke it out. Google Bot is again on Yahoo in an instant, tearing off one of Yahoo’s arms. Yahoo isn’t as naïve as earlier though, this time choosing not to try and remove the spidery robot with its own slow arms. Yahoo instead slams its front end onto the ground, busting the Google Bot’s back and breaking off one of the coils on its head.
Meanwhile, Messenger is struggling to survive Google +’s assault. It’s already eaten the angel smiley’s halo, the nerdy smiley’s glasses, and the cowboy smiley’s hat, and Messenger was running out of expendable smiley parts. The big yellow face decides to try an offensive tactic, switching to the sick smiley and vomiting on Google +. The social network logo is unaffected; drunk people go on Google + all the time, and its learned to deal with their vomiting and bad typing. Google + pushes through the puke and finally lands a fatal bite on Messenger.
Google + roars in victory and quickly switches targets. It charges towards Yahoo Bot, who was looming over Google Bot. Yahoo was about to attempt to finish Google, but luckily the hungry social network bites into Yahoo’s back, sending the flying bot reeling around in the sky as its one good arm tries to remove the little logo from its back. Yahoo Bot was not prepared for a battle, so it had to resort to the one thing that worked: body slams. Yahoo goes back first into the ground, crushing the ravenous logo and snapping its jaw in half, leaving the Google + logo divided.
Yahoo Bot floats back up and is assaulted by a laser beam to the open hole in its front. Google Bot was barely holding on, but it was not going down yet. Yahoo Bot’s insides are aflame, causing it to fly around wildly while the single coil on the spidery robot’s head begins to spark. Google Bot tries to create an electrical current to fire at Yahoo Bot and disable it, but the single coil is not powerful enough without its partner, instead leading to the Google Bot shocking itself. The spidery bot falls backward, unable to control its actions as it courses with its own electrical attack. Yahoo sees its opponent lying prone on the ground and charges towards it, ignoring the fire burning inside of its own body.
Flying high above where Google Bot was having electrical spasms, Yahoo disables its hovering and goes elbow first towards its opponent. It presses the play button on its chest before it makes contact with Google, and a loud “YAHOOOOOOOO!” rings out.
The Google Bot shatters into pieces beneath the superior weight of Yahoo. Yahoo’s many additional features outweigh the simple search engine’s robot. I guess a bunch of frivolous features can sell a website! Yahoo Bot quickly flies around the arena, slapping the Yahoo logo wherever it could find a blank spot. It had won; it was time for Yahoo to take over, and it was damn well going to brag about it!
It looks like they got a little carried away though…
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