Now that the formalities are out of the way, it's time for another fite! Tonight in the arena are two beings whose grip on reality is so loose you could probably slip a herd of pink pachyderms through it no problem. Returning to our arena, a being who proved to us he is more than just a poorly drawn stoner, HELLA JEFF! His competitor for the evening is a newcomer, a marine from outer space who has consumed more drugs in his lifetime than food, DOOMRIDER! Both competitors are riding in style, Jeff has the car, and Doomrider has his bike. Let's do this everyone. Hella Jeff and Doomrider, prepare to Fite Yer' Mate!
With a plethora of "Na"s, Doomrider rides in on his motorcycle through a strange portal. Screeching to a halt in front of our referee, Doomrider reaches out and pilfers Gezora's referee cap and quickly snorts it up, somehow achieving a high from it. Gezora quickly replaces his cap and is about to scold the Daemon when suddenly an odd engine could be heard.
"VROM VOOOM"
Hella Jeff arrives on his vehicle. Then he gets inside of it in the blink of an eye, making those unfamiliar with his ways question why he rode in on it or how he got inside it so quickly. The crappy car spits JPEG artifacts out of its tailpipe as it moseys on over to Doomrider without its wheels ever spinning. Doomrider turns his bike around in what ice skaters would call a triple axle and then faces his poorly rendered opponent. Doomrider revs his engine, and Jeff revs his back. It's on.
Doomrider and Jeff both push their vehicles forward, neither doing it literally, but in this fite, that possibility can't be ruled out. Jeff's car sails towards Doomrider, whose bike is tearing straight ahead. It appears we have a game of chicken folks! Doomrider's face scrunches up into one of determination, whereas Jeff's face still has that blank stare on it. The vehicles get closer and closer, neither willing to turn away!
And neither of them did.
Doomrider's bike tears right through the middle of the car. Doomrider roars in delight, but the two parts of the split car turn around. It appears the car is not dependent on its parts for functionality. It just functions!
"HE HE HE. I gues you coud call this a SPILT DECISHUN!!"
Both halves of the car seem to glide towards Doomrider, who begins to rev his engine and take off in the opposite direction. Jeff chases after Doomrider, who is driving straight towards a wall! Rather predictably, Doomrider's bike rides up the wall and onto the ceiling, the marine now driving over the arena and in direct opposition of gravity. Jeff's car stops before it hits the wall and glides slowly upwards into the air until it is also on the ceiling. Suddenly, the ceiling BECOMES the floor!
The entire arena is somehow flipped over, and the audience and ref spill onto the ceiling. Jeff and Doomrider seem to ignore this though as they both begin to plow forth towards each other again. This time though, Doomrider is reaching for something...
Oh my! What's this? An illegal weapon! Doomrider has brought a sword to the arena! Or wait, I don't think he brought it... I think he somehow made it while in the arena! I guess that's not technically against the rules... So the sword is good, folks! As Jeff and Doomrider both fail to chicken out in the game of Chicken again, Doomrider makes sure to slash the car with his sword this time. The car, rather than splitting into four pieces, shatters into a thousand chunks of stretched color. Jeff stumbles out of the car, still in a driving pose despite losing anything to steer. Doomrider's bike 180s in a split second and the Daemon readies his sword to cleave his blue jump-suited foe and end it.
Before he can though, Jeff is back flipping motionlessly through the air. Jeff lands on the servant of Slaanesh and clasps his hands around the eyes of the skull-faced marine. Even as the fire on Doomrider's skull burns at his body, Jeff hangs on to the marine long enough for Doomrider to lose control of his bike. The bike skids and slides out from beneath the Daemon, sending both him and Jeff into a tumble. A tumble that just keeps happening!
As the two continue tumbling, Doomrider tries to lash out with his sword, while Hella Jeff tries to lash out with his bare hands. Slaps and sword swipes make contact, and soon the strange drug-addled blood of a Daemon of Slaanesh spills onto the fallen blood of a being created in Microsoft Paint. Although the two continue their tumble battle, something strange is happening in their spilled blood. The two reality bending being's powers are combined through the sanguine unity, and soon a strange infection spills forward from the blood, transforming the arena.
Doomrider and Jeff's tumble ceases, and Doomrider punts the young man away. Doomrider spikes his sword into the ground to celebrate the punt as Hella Jeff somehow passes through a yellow goalpost. Doomrider goes to retrieve his bike and starts its engine. Scooping up his sword as he passed, he drove his bike towards the still sailing Hella Jeff, but up ahead he noticed something odd. The arena seemed to have disappeared. The world was changing.
Jeff landed in some grass as Doomrider continued his approach. The Daemon had seen many alterations of the world through his many various highs, but not ever one this... REAL.
"This is not kool dufe, NOT COOL."
Doomrider stops his environmental spectating and gets back to the matter at hand: murder. Doomrider's bike seems to scream as it's engine reignites, and Doomrider chases after Hella Jeff, who is still able to carry himself through the world without leg movement.
Hella Jeff taunts the Daemon as he somehow outruns the motorcycle of Slaanesh's servant. Doomrider laughs at his opponent's confidence and begins to kick it into higher and higher gears, some of the gears higher than the bike even had settings for. Doomrider's bike roars past regular vehicles, who are pulling over to stare at something they've only ever seen in fiction before.
Hella Jeff still somehow stays ahead of his opponent. Doomrider begins to throw his sword like a boomerang, repeatedly missing but always getting his weapon back. Doomrider realizes he can't catch his opponent when he's this high on drugs. He needs to be even HIGHER! As he roar pasts a van, he lifts it up and inhales the exhaust, quickly giving him a gasoline high and somehow giving his bike the same effect. Doomrider's bike finally gains the boost it needs to zoom in close to Hella Jeff. But before the bike reaches the fleeing Jeff, the blond-haired boy hops over the median. The cartoonish character flips around with a single frame of motion to face Doomrider, who comes crashing through the median with his sword at the ready.
"This place is achuly prety ballin. I thin I May JUST SHAK UP HERE!"
Hella Jeff screams as he begins to fly up high, bringing Doomrider up with him and hurling him down into the road. Doomrider, his bike still clenched between his legs, somehow is able to drive vertically up towards Jeff. The front tire of the bike slams Jeff upwards and sends him spiraling towards the ground. When he lands in a spray of pixels, Jeff finds his head crushed beneath a large tire. Doomrider's rear back tire begins to spin at RPMs higher than man has ever counted too, tearing chunks off of Jeff. Jeff's body was beginning to disappear.
Suddenly though, the road begins to wobble. The street beside them rises up and slams into Doomrider, freeing Jeff. Nearby streets rise up into the air and begin to ball around both Jeff and Slaanesh's servant.
Jeff laughs again. "Gues i can mess with this place this heer, two!"
Doomrider unleashes a stream of unusual curses as he tries to race out of the tomb of tar forming around them. Soon though, both Jeff and Doomrider are trapped in a giant ball of highways, freeways, road, avenues, and all other varieties of streets.
"Well fuck all this straight to the biggest fuckhole! I can't see a fucking thing! Hm... Any problem can be solved one way! BY GETTING FUCKING HIGH!!" Doomrider roared in glee and laughed as he pulled his bike in front of him and reached for some drugs in its compartments. However, he noticed some fragments of Jeff's unusual body on his tires.
"HELLLLLLLLSSSSSS YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! IT'S TIME TO FITE FIRE WITH FUCKING FIRE!!!"
Doomrider scoops up the JPEG fragments and snorts them. The servant of Slaanesh begins to slowly change form...
As Doomrider's body begins to shift more and more to resemble that of Hella Jeff's, the world around him becomes clearer. It appears within this ball, Jeff was recreating his own world. The streets that made up the walls, ceiling, and floor were now one single grey color with a yellow square line down them. The cars that had ended up squished into the ball with them had transformed to look more like the car Jeff had earlier in the fite. Doomrider needs a moment to handle the switch from super realistic to super unrealistic, so he sits and relaxes on his bike. From afar, Jeff watches unnoticed.
Without even a signal, Hella Jeff sends forth two creatures similar in appearance to himself to combat the Daemon...
After having recovering from his NARLY FASE PLAINT and the pilfering of his bike by Sweet 'BUS and Hella Pech, Doomrider finds himself standing unarmed in the strange world of Hella Jeff.
"You lick it heer? Pretty sik? Huh. Joyn me Dom Ridr, and toget her we can rool the galacksy!"
Doomrider looks at Hella Jeff, who is wildly convulsing in laughter.
"Shure dufe. Zounds FUCKIG awwsome!"
Hella Jeff stops his hysterical fit and looks at Doomrider. Doomrider was talking like him, and agreeing with him? "TOOBULAR!!!"
Hella Jeff flies towards Doomrider and the two give each other an epic hug!
FRIENDSHIP!!!
Doomrider takes advantage of the hug to hurl Jeff into one of the roads making up the walls of the street ball. Taken by surprise, Hella Jeff can't react as Doomrider produces a bag of particularly potent drugs from where he might have had pockets in a more detailed form.
Hella Jeff races towards Doomrider, dodging a swing of the drug bag and slapping the now solid fire hair of Doomrider. Doomrider staggers, but quickly retaliates by jamming one of his jagged JPEG horns into the side of Jeff. Jeff yells in pain and tries to dislodge the horn, but a chunk of Jeff goes with it. Jeff's blood spills out like it was made wit the MS Paint spray paint tool, and Doomrider takes the moment to kick Jeff down with both his legs. Somehow not losing his balance from kicking with both legs, the Daemon than plants them on his opponent's chest and begins undoing the seal of his drug bag. Jeff reaches out and grabs at Doomrider's ankles, ready to swing the Daemon around, but Doomrider has opened his bag of drugs and is pouring it into the always gaping maw of Hella Jeff.
Jeff's body begins to ooze black as the drug reacts negatively. Whatever drug it was, it wasn't meant for someone like Hella Jeff.
Doomrider begins laughing crazily. "I GUESS SOM PEPLE JUST CANT HANDEL THEYRE DRUGS!!! HE HE HE!!!"
"HAY, WHAR IS EVRYONE?"
Meanwhile, on a grassy trail somewhere, Gezora leads a group of poorly rendered spectators through the wild as they searched for their way back.
"Gezora is getting very tired of all these reality bending fiters..."
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