The Trojan rolls in on his wooden horse, swinging his poorly made sword about to try and get some attention from the crowd. Xrumer goes to a dark spot in the arena and sits down, casting his line into the arena baited with a bitcoin. Imarliage finds a good spot near the middle of the arena and begins to beatbox in preparation for a sick rap. Spatagots was readying her AK-47 to shoot some weaker Tapogres to death immediately, but something about that Seo who is having trouble even walking...
Tramadol helps Seo walk, but immediately gets a smack across his face from the U-Tube Seo is carrying. The Googlebot part of him is out for blood, but the Seo part is profusely apologizing for the act of violence.
Taiple is busy having issues of its own. It is standing around holding its sickle and hammer like a dunce, wondering how its supposed to bend its knees and use elbows. Being made of code makes taking physical form an odd adventure. It looks around at the other tapogres, noticing that they all seemed to be doing their own thing for the most part. Someone would have to get this fite started for real, and Taiple saw a perfect target. Shambling towards his target, he eventually abandons the form of a Russian stereotype and reverts back into Russian code, flying towards his target, Seo, with ease.
Tramadol blasted Seo with persuasive words, but even though the organic part totally agreed with the foreman's words of non-violence, the machines in him pushed him to wail on the poor activist with his curved pipe. Taiple had no issues sneaking up on the poor possessed Tapogre, but Spatagots saw the code trying to interfere and opened fire with her machine gun.
Suddenly, upon hearing the gunfire, the other Tapogres are riled and ready to fite! The Accountant Frog charges towards Yquem, who runs off afraid of any confrontation. Anna approaches Luling, who instantly gets jealous and starts waving the bags of Runescape gold at Anna's face. The Trojan spots Xrumer in his hiding place and begins to wheel his wooden horse over to the phisherman. Imarliage... whips out some phat beatz!
Now listen up, I won't say it again.
This rapper is here to blow your brain.
I got four arms to tear your head in twain.
And a coin gun that will cause you major pain.
Ya'll Tapogres ain't got nothing on me.
I've got more gold than the Hammer MC.
I'm the strongest damn creature you'll ever see.
And you'll get a head full of metal if you disagree.
Ya'll think you hip, ya'll think you hot.
But you don't have half the muscle I've got!
So sit your ass down cause you're 'bout to get taught.
Because this Tapogre here's about to Rap-A-Lot!
Back over with Seo, Taiple has no problem dodging the bullets fired by the preteen Tapogre. It is just code, so the bullets shatter only tiny unimportant bits of its scrambled Russian letters. Unfortunately, since the bullets pass right through the code, Seo gets filled with lead. Spatagots stops her firing when she sees this and runs to help the poor half-organic, but Taiple has found an opening in his mechanical side's wiring. The Russian code flows into Seo, malfunctioning vital systems that keep the Tapogre alive. Soon, blood leaks out from Seo's robotic components as the remains of Googlebot are glitched beyond repair. Taiple flows out of the Tapogre as the unfortunate mix of man,Tapogre, and machine falls to the ground.
"You don't understand! Adults NEVER understand!"
Spatagots runs off into the arena crying, ignoring the mayhem that was taking place around her. In fact, she seems to be running straight towards a bitcoin that seemed to be floating in the middle of the arena...
Be it by fortune or by luck or by a wooden horse crashing into a phisherman, the line that almost caught a preteen blinded by tears is jerked away just in time for the girl to continue running away unimpeded.
Xrumer was not happy to be ambushed by the nerdy Tapogre in homemade Trojan armor. Picking himself up and placing his phishing pole on his back, he began to dance away strangely from the LARPing Trojan, who struck his poor excuse of a sword against the phisherman repeatedly. Ignoring the nasally cries of "I got you! You're dead! I got you!", Xrumer weaved himself through other Tapogres who were fiting, hoping to lose the annoying Trojan.
Luling and Anna have their one-sided fite interrupted by Xrumer's dancing, and Anna uses the opportunity to hobble away from her aggressor. The Trojan, who had been following Xrumer, sees Anna run off and feels an odd stirring. He thought that Anna was pretty hot. Changing the direction of his wooden steed, he scoots after the red hot Tapogre, looking for love in all the wrong places.
Anna scooted off and hid behind the Doghouse so Luling couldn't find her. An odd growling met Anna's ears, but it was ignored because Anna really could not see a better hiding place in the vast empty arena. The Trojan wheeled up to the front of the house of the dog. He couldn't see anything in the house, so he foolishly assumed it did not contain any sort of dog-like creature and attributed the odd growling he heard to the hiding Anna.
I said Tapogres could think, but that doesn't mean they are very bright.
The Trojan gets on his knees and looks into the doghouse, thinking she had crawled inside to hide. He had watched her go over there, but his eyeglass prescription is not up to date, so he couldn't see she had hidden behind it. For this poor nerdy Tapogre, this situation was just a series of errors leading up to the inevitable...
With a large growl and a snap, the Doghouse reveals its resident.
The Tapdogre pulls his prey into his house for safe eating away from the eyes of the other prey in the arena. Hopefully they would fall for its trap as well.
Anna, on the other side of the doghouse, could hear the gnashing of the hungry Tapdogre as it devoured its prey. It was sickening. Anna didn't want to hurt anyone, but that poor geek didn't deserve the fate handed to him! The Tapogre with 3 Xs for a body considered how it could punish the ravenous canine devouring the innocent nerd. Anna has a thought... Its body is extremely hot, literally, so maybe it could make the doghouse a hot and uncomfortable place to live!
It isn't the best plan, but for a Tapogre it's pretty damn decent.
Anna hops on top of the Doghouse and stands in place as the red hot x-shaped body begins to do its thing. The Tapdogre inside begins to get really hot, but it waits until it finishes its meal to poke its head out. It couldn't see anything that could be causing the heat, but on the doghouse Anna stood still to avoid detection. Suddenly, the Doghouse's resident smelled something with its ultra-keen sense of smell... burning. Fire!
Although Anna hadn't planned it, the aforementioned red hot body was red hot enough to start the wooden house on fire! The Tapdogre tried to escape, but it was too fat from its most recent meal and found the doghouse it lived in stuck to his body. It yelped and cried in pain as Anna profusely apologized to it, but soon it resigned itself to its fate. The Tapdogre lied down in its Doghouse and burned to death.
Meanwhile, Spatagots has regained her composure, and is wandering around the arena looking for something to do just in time to hear some more sick lyrics from the dopest Tapogre in the arena...
Imarliage whipped out another rap, but even though he fancied himself a wordsmith, he was not above rapping another man's beat and calling it his own. This didn't matter to the preteen Tapogress though. In Spatagot's eyes, the four armed rapping Tapogre was the most amazing musician ever to grace the planet Earth with his presence. Spatagots began to whoop and holler his praises, encouraging Imarliage to get louder and more obnoxious with his plagiarized lyrics.
Elsewhere, Yquem struggled to keep the Accountant Frog at bay by giving it ridiculous amount of Château d'Yquem from the bottle that served as his left arm. The frog was getting very drunk, but the accountant side of him told him he would have to cut back on wine or risk a hangover, thus ruining his performance tomorrow at work! He didn't have a job, but he did have the DELUSION of a job, and damnit he was not going to risk losing it! The frog hopped drunkenly away from a frightened Yquem, who sighed with relief when the frog finally left him alone.
Tramadol, accompanied by Anna, sees the poor exhausted Yquem and goes to speak with him as well...
The drunken Accountant Frog hopped happily around the arena, ignoring a dead fly that someone kept constantly dangling in front of his face. He wasn't hungry for flies! He preferred bigger meals! While Xrumer cursed his inability to hook the frog while flyphishing, the Accountant Tapfrogre noticed a particularly juicy looking piece of meat distributing some mad jams for a young shorty. The frog was intrigued, not by the lyrics of a stolen song, but by the four muscular arms the jam distributor waved about.
Croaking and hopping drunkenly towards Imarliage, the Accountant Frog bumps into the preteen Tapogress who was enjoying the songs of the rapper. Angered, Spatagots whacks the Tapfrogre with her briefcase. However, when the frog sees the briefcase, its primitive mind leapfrogs to an illogical conclusion: this girl must be competition! Although competition does not run rampant in Accounting, in his DELUSION of accounting, people were always gunning for his job.
The Tapfrogre leaps towards Spatagots, mouth agape and ready to taste the meat of its first kill.
Unfortunately, his drunken leap veers towards the rapping Imarliage, which enrages Spatagots even more than if she was the one being attacked.
The preteen leaps in front of the rapper and unloads a clip of ammo into the Tapfrogre.
Elsewhere, Luling is wandering about, trying to find something to do after Anna ran off. Luling didn't have to look for long, because a shambling excuse for a Russian Tapogre stumbled over and slammed its hammer into Luling's head. Luling fell back and swung forward with its bags of Runescape gold, scoring hits on the clumsy form of Taiple. It still hated its more solid form, but it was the only way to hurt its organic opponents. Taiple lashed out with its sickle now, successfully cutting open one of Luling's bags of Runescape gold, spilling the coins all around their feet. Soon, both Tapogres found themselves struggling to stand on the shifting golden floor.
Luling fell, giving the audience a very nasty upskirt. Thankfully, the Daisy Dukes it wore beneath its dress softened the still disgusting blow. Taiple fell as well, scrambling into a bunch of code again. Luling scrambled to get up when he noticed Taiple's current situation. The code scrambled about to reassemble itself, a head already formed of the Russian characters. Luling tried first to hit the code with the remaining bag of gold, but found it ineffective. It just jostled the code around. Then, an idea struck the fashion-foolish mind of Luling. Dumping the remaining bag of Runescape gold, Luling began to scoop the code into the sack, preventing it from reassembling into the body of Taiple. When Luling sealed the bag once more, Taiple's head plopped with a splat on top of the sack that now contained its lifeless body of code.
Luling shook the bag up and down like a maniac, enjoying the fresh sense of a murder well done.
Wait... what's that?
Oh yes, I forgot to mention..... we sort of entered a thirteenth tapir.
The remaining Tapogres in the fite all look at Mr. Twister in horror, especially since its name is Mr. Twister and it has a woman's anatomy (if you could call that anatomy!). Tramadol shields the young eyes of Yquem, and Anna seethes with rage at another woman(?) being allowed to enter the fite. Xrumer dangles his hook in front of Mr. Twister, hoping to kill it quickly. Luling scoffs at its lack of style. But what about Imarliage and Spatagots?
Imarliage is drooling over Mr. Twister's body! Spatagots is infuriated by her idol suddenly shifting attention to such a cheap floozy, and immediately hefts her briefcase up and hurls it at Mr. Twister. The briefcase was labelled XXX, but who knows what was in it.
Mr. Twister gets hit by the briefcase. The contents spill out onto the Tapogre... Wait, is that hand sanitizer?
Wait... Nope. It's nitroglycerin.
Tramadol begins.
"My fellow Tapogres, you were called here today to fite to the death for no reason other than to cull our ranks! We were brought here to fite for their amusement! To die for their amusement! I know none of you here want to die. We were brought into this world with minds and hearts capable of doing the same thing their hearts and minds can! Humans and other sentient beings look down upon us as if we were nothing! They treat robots with more respect with us!
But I ask you: Do you want to die here today fiting for a superficial prize like the bitcoins promised to us? Or would you rather join me and these upstanding Tapogres in fiting for something more important. We won't use weapons or violence to win this fite, we will use our words and actions. We will get people to recognize us as equals. We will fite for our rights! Tapogres are every bit as sentient as any of those watching us die in this arena. Let's show them we are not weak! United, we will be stronger than any metal! We will make them recognize us!
TAPOGRE POWER!"
Imarliage, however, has heard the speech and is infuriated by it. Not because of its message, but because it interrupted HIS rapping! He hefted up his coin gun and charged towards the peace advocating Tapogres, his overeager preteen fan following close behind.
Imarliage begins opening fire with his coin gun, but the distance between him and his opponents ends up pelting the peace advocating Tapogres with a rather scattered grapeshot of coins. Tramadol and his compatriots flee, scattering to avoid the enraged rapper. Imarliage considers pursuing Tramadol, but the slow moving Anna is a much easier first target. Spatagots, meanwhile, decides to pursue Luling in an attempt to please her idol by murdering his rivals.
Yquem has ran off and hid in a dark corner of the arena, hoping that the duo of aggressive ogres could not find him. He was right about that at least, they wouldn't find him... Xrumer did. From the shadows, Xrumer appears with a garotte made of phishing line. Wrapping it around the poor wine-based Tapogre's throat, Xrumer strangles young Yquem to death.
Meanwhile, Anna hears Imarliage singing something to her as he chases after her...
Tell me again why you're running away - do you need me?
Nobody's home and there's nowhere to stay - do you believe me?
Maybe I can't be the man of your dreams - but I can save you
You were never really gone and it seems that you can feel it too
We won't see the stars if the sun is in our eyes... so don't look so surprised
Because it's just another reason why a fool like you
Would listen to a fool like me
I'll do what all the idiots around you do
And show you that you'll never be free
Anna turns around. "I'm sorry, I don't understand your lyrics! Can't we all just get along? I don't want to hurt anyone..."
Imarliage looks at Anna for a while. Has his heart been warmed by Anna's plee? Will he spare this hot young thang?
No.
"If you wanted peace, you shouldn't have interrupted my beats."
Spatagots was chasing after Luling, opening fire with her AK-47. Bullets graze against Luling's clothing, angering the Tapogre enough for it to turn around and slug the preteen in her face, knocking Spatagots to the ground. While the young Tapogress nurses the wound on her face, Luling witness the deaths of Yquem and Anna and quickly decides to abandon Tramadol's cause in favor of saving its own hide. Luling picks up Spatagots's gun and pulls Spatagots up off the ground by her trunk. Spatagots screams, but Luling slaps her to shut her up.
Imarliage turns around and sees Luling armed with the AK-47. He releases an angry honk as he realizes what was about to happen. He was about to lose his only fan. Imarliage charges towards Luling, prepping his coin gun for a lethal shot. He aims and fires, but he is too late. Luling has pulled the trigger on the machine gun and filled his young fan with harsh metal bullets.
Imarliage reaches Luling's position and crushes the AK-47 beneath his feet. He preps his coin gun for another blast, this time at close enough range to actually kill his fashion-unconscious foe. Tramadol could be heard screaming for peace between them, but the rapper's ears were deafened to the world. He cared only about avenging the shawty.
Luling looked up at Imarliage, prepared to avenge his glasses. Both had about the same motivation to kill the other. Luling leaped up and grabbed the coin gun, causing it to prematurely release its payload. Coins spilled around Imarliage as he dropped the gun and grabbed Luling with his bottom two arms. Luling struggled in his grip, but the rapper unleashed a flurry of punches with his upper arms, nearly knocking Luling unconscious from the severe head trauma inflicted by the blows. Imarliage switches his foe to his upper arms and lifts Luling above his head. With a loud triumphant honk, he avenges the shawty by tearing his opponent in twain.
The arena was unusually quiet as Tramadol approached Imarliage. The rapper was still seething, but a lot of his energy was lost laying into Luling. Tramadol looked up at his much taller opponent.
"See what fiting has done? You lost your devoted fan, and why? Because we are commanded to fite to the death here. What will happen if you win? Do you think the humans will recognize your rap skill? Humans don't like music they didn't create, and the songs of someone they can't even imagine being intelligent will not be recognized. Imarliage, you are a reasonable Tapogre. Join me, join my cause. If we can get Tapogre Rights recognized, people will listen to your music, people will realize your rapping genius!"
Imarliage considered the words of Tramadol. One of his lower arms juts out towards Tramadol's neck! But wait... it stopped. It's not going to strangle the foreman, Imarliage is reaching out for a handshake! His size just puts his hand at the level of the foreman's neck!
"You speak pretty well. Just don't interrupt my beats again dawg. But I got your back fo sho!"
Tramadol and Imarliage shake hands, an alliance formed.
They formed this alliance just in time too, because the dead bodies of their competitors are standing back up. The corpses of Spatagots, Yquem, Seo, and the Accountant Frog are pulled over towards the two Tapogres by lines dangling from a pole up above the action. Sitting on a pile of corpses and discarded items, Xrumer is using his phishing pole to puppet the fallen Tapogres.
The fallen Tapogres surround Tramadol and Imarliage. Imarliage quickly lifts his new friend up onto his shoulders for protection, holding the pacifist foreman in place with one arm and slugging Tapogre corpses with his other three arms. Xrumer cackles from atop his pile as he wills the Tapogres all to grab a limb of the tall rapper.
Accountant Frog's corpse bites down on one of Imarliage's lower arms, successfully chomping the hand off. Imarliage punches the reanimated Tapfrogre with the stub of the arm, honking in pain from the blow. The frog is knocked backwards, but the line pulls it back around and slams the frog into Imarliage, pushing him to the ground. Tramadol tumbles off of the giant rapper's shoulders and rolls off. He screams out for Xrumer to stop the senseless madness, but the phisherman cares little for peace. Xrumer cares about bitcoins and phishing.
Corpse Seo rams his U-Tube through the other hand of the lower set of arms, pinning the arm against the arena's floor. The Accountant Frog bites around the other arm, keeping it from lashing out. Spatagots, wordlessly floating on the phishing line above her former idol, holds down an upper arm. Seo, the having successfully pinned down one arm already, uses his weight to keep the last arm down. Imarliage is pinned completely to the ground. Tramadol rushes to aid his ally, but the burnt corpse of the Tapdogre dangling from a line intercepts him. Tramadol backs away, forced to watch helplessly as the puppets of Xrumer do their work.
The dead Yquem kneels on Imarliage's chest and pours his wine bottle arm into Imarliage's throat. The Tapogre rapper drinks it gladly at first, but soon, the seemingly endless stream of wine catches up with him. Imarliage's eyes close.
Xrumer swings his remaining puppets around to try and intercept Tramadol, who was now charging towards Xrumer. A rage burned in the foreman's eyes.
Pushing through the puppet corpses like they were a hippy's doorway beads, Tramadol reaches the pile Xrumer sits upon. Climbing up the corpses of other Tapogres and the discarded items, Tramadol reaches the top of the pile and grasps the phishing pole with his hands. Xrumer and the foreman tug back and forth on the pole, the corpses it dangled in the arena swinging about comically.
“Don’t you realize that you are just letting them kill us? They’ll probably kill you too some day! As long as they don’t recognize us as equals, we are all doomed to die pointless deaths! Can’t you see?”
“I’m nobody’s equal. I am above all else. I am Xrumer, and we all have to die sometime.”
Xrumer kicks Tramadol, sending the foreman off of the pile. But he still clung obstinately to the pole. Xrumer shakes it, trying to shake the pacifist Tapogre from his precious phishing pole. Tramadol holds on. Xrumer begins to adjust his puppets, positioning them beneath the foreman. Among the puppets is a new face… Imarliage’s corpse reaches up and grabs the feet of the foreman, trying to pull him down into the other corpses’ hands.
Tramadol, dangling from the pole, looks up at Xrumer, then to the crowd. They wanted blood. They didn't care about him or his brethren. No matter what he did, he would never be able to dissociate the name "Tapogre" from drunken stupidity. Years had been spent establishing his race as inferior, and now that they had a chance for change, they would rather choose death than try to make their life as a species better.
Tramadol's eyes began to tear up as his former ally pulled at his feet. In this world, even the strongest, most talented Tapogre would never gain recognition for his art or skills. Even if he wrote amazing literature and amazing speeches, people would still remember the foreman as a "credit to his species" rather than an equal. Tapogres would never have the rights they deserved, and now, the one person willing to push for those rights was about to fall pointlessly to a heartless member of the species he tried to protect and help.
Tramadol wiped his tears. He closed his eyes. He let go of the pole...
When the puppets are done, there is nothing left of Tramadol but his helmet.
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