Fite 2- Hot Gods of War (IronicHide vs. Hella Jeff)

It’s time for the second fight of the night, fellas. IronicHide has challenged the eldritch horror known only as Hella Jeff. Let’s get this show on the road! It’s time to Fite Yer’ Mate!

 

Hella Jeff has been standing in place for the past few hours, unmoving and waiting for IronicHide’s arrival. It was beginning to get unnerving, but our wonderful referee Gezora has just managed to drag IronicHide here so we could just get the fight over with already. Gezora gives the signal, and the fight is underway!

Sort of. IronicHide climbs to the top of his portable stairs and yells to his opponent,

“Come at me, bro!”

“DUDE how culd yu even thin I was Swwet Bro? How high do yoo evn have to be?”

IronicHide realizes that luring his opponent to the top won’t be that easy, considering the uncertain mental state of Jeff. IronicHide instead pushes his arms against a nearby wall, rolling the giant staircase towards Hella Jeff. Jeff takes the hit square on the jaw and is unmoved. A single drop of blood drops from his chin...

*PLOOP*

The environment begins to change. Colors become uniform, edges and lines become poorly made and not entirely closed, referees suddenly realize they have fewer arms and lopsided shades.

 The whole world’s change in quality also effects IronicHide.

 The new poorly made body of IronicHide is also lopsided though, messing up his balance and causing him to tumble down his own staircase and right into Hella Jeff’s arms.

“I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE STAIRS BRO!!!!! I TOLD YOU DOG!”

Hella Jeff laughs his sinister laugh as IronicHide leaps out of the arms of the creepy creature. Jeff reaches for his resin statue and begins swinging it wildly at IronicHide, who is running on all fours trying to get a feel for this strange new setting. He notices though that his Huggles leg’s claws are making holes in the ground every time they make contact with the floor. Holes that when he looks into, he cannot see the bottom… they are tiny holes, but it is still pretty freaking creepy.

Of course, looking into holes is not a great way to spend your time during a fight.

Jeff finally makes contact with his statue swinging, sending IronicHide flying back against the wall. Jeff then runs to his opponent, grabs him by the shoulders, and jumps into the air; they remain suspended in what could only be called The Whiteness…

“ERONHIDE, YOU DON WANTA HURT ME, WE ARE BROS! NOW GET DIM STARS AND WE’LL GO TO THE BIG GAM!”

IronicHide resists Jeff’s grip, but suddenly, he begins to think to himself, “DUFE, I LOV DA BIG GAME! CANT WAIT TO A GO SEEE IT!”

IronicHide leaves The Whiteness and goes over to his stairs and begins pushing them to Jeff. Hella Jeff laughs at how dumb IronicHide is. He only has one ticket, they can’t both go to the game! IronicHide has almost reached Jeff when he sees Gezora in his referee cap. Suddenly, his mind returns to normal, and he can clearly recall that he’s not much of a fan of the big game at all! He’s here to fight!

IronicHide hides his realization though and pushes the stairs to Jeff. Jeff grabs IronicHide and tries to tug him away, presumably to the game, but IronicHide reaches down, grabs his own Huggles leg, and rips it off!

 He slashes Jeff’s face with the bear, leaving the same strange holes in his face.

“NOT COL!”

Jeff grabs his statue again, (despite it being well out of reach…) and begins swinging at IronicHide, who briefly attempts to parry his blows with the Huggles bear. Jeff’s blows are the more powerful though, and soon Huggles is knocked out of IronicHide’s hands! Jeff holds the statue high above his head, ready to bring it down in a crushing blow on IronicHide’s head!

IronicHide dodges the heavy swing and crawls up his staircase with his three remaining limbs. Jeff follows him up the stairs, holding the statue under his arm effortlessly. When IronicHide reaches the top, Jeff pulls the statue behind his head and says,

“ENY LAST WORGS?”

Suddenly though, the staircase begins to tip. The rolling staircase, since its quality shift, has become unable to hold so much weight. The combined weight of a robotic man, a regular man, and a statue of a man is too much! It tips over, flinging Jeff and IronicHide to the ground and causing Jeff to throw the statue up into the air in a panic. The statue comes crashing down, crushing both  fighters...

Gezora pushes the statue off the fighters, and one combatant manages to crawl away from the scene…

IronicHide has barely survived the tussle, and walks away, er… crawls away with a victory! Jeff’s corpse slowly disappears, and the world returns to its normal form.

IronicHide has won the day, despite losing both of his legs. However, it seems Gezora has found himself a new fuzzy buddy!