Fite 32- Mech Fite (Celestia in the WarMech Leader vs. Rebecca on Bug)

It's time for gears to grind and wires to snap! Tonight in the arena, two people have brought their machines of choice to combat each other to prove their mech is the superior mechanism. Celestia has brought her machine, the WarMech Leader, a robotic menace some have called a Death Machine. Rebecca has brought an organic machine called Bug that is known for razing city blocks in mere seconds. These two are here to prove their mettle and their metal. The first robot to fall loses the fite. So let's put the pedal to the metal and see some scrap fly! Celestia and Rebecca, prepare your machines, because its time to Fite Yer' Mate!

The bulky frame of the WarMech Leader hustles into the arena, its robotic body whirring into action. Celestia runs a few tests on the machine, making sure that its mobile and armed.

A strange roar is heard as Rebecca enters the arena atop her massive Strider Bug. Bug's lithe body has no trouble approaching its much smaller opponent. Celestia looks up at her much taller opponent from within the cockpit. Rebecca pets the top of Bug, comforting the organic side of the robot.

Gezora lumbers into the arena in a massive mech of his own. Apparently the ref is getting in the spirit! The gigantic robot waves one of its massive robot tentacles, signalling for our competitors to get this mechanical bash going!

Celestia starts moving the mech about, dodging the spindly legs of the Strider as it tries to puncture the cockpit with its spiky feet. Celestia casts a few spells to try and keep her and the mech safe and then begins to aim the cannons up at her aggressor. Rebecca sits atop Bug, urging the machine to slam its leg against the WarMech Leader's side as its warp cannon charges up.

The spiked leg of the Strider slams against the Warmech Leader, but the skinny leg gets caught between the tinier mech and its own cannon. Lodged in the mechanisms of its opponent, Bug begins to thrash about to try and escape, its Warp Cannon depowering in Rebecca and Bug's panic. Celestia tries to fire her cannons at the Strider, but the laser and guns are just out of the range of the tangled Strider. Celestia begins to reposition the flamethrower and freeze ray to target her opponent, but the taller machine begins to blast into the smaller mech's top with its plasma cannon. The Mech's hard plates aren't penetrated, but the many buffs Celestia had on her machine began to fade.

Scrambling at the controls, Celestia eventually settles on pressing a red button. Not a BIG red button, just a red button. The WarMech's thrusters begin to ignite, sending the tangled robots into the air. Rebecca clings onto Bug for dear life as the Strider flips about uselessly in the air. The WarMech opens fire with its guns, the bullets nicking the machine but also failing to penetrate its opponent's tough hide. Celestia begins to prep her missiles, but she hears a strange hum from the dangling Bug. Suddenly, a properly charged blast from the warp cannon tears into the WarMech Leader's rocket boosters. The two now flightless robotic creations tumble out of the sky and land clumsily to the ground.

Both machines take heavy damage from the fall, but Rebecca is thrown from Bug! The Strider looks down in worry at its owner, but then looks back at the sizzling WarMech Leader. Celestia was disoriented from the fall, so the WarMech was immobile. The Combine-created machine jams one of its leg spikes into the cockpit of the WarMech Leader, breaking the glass and shattering a few controls. Celestia quickly zaps the Strider with a Thunder spell, but before she can get back to piloting the WarMech, Rebecca leaps onto it and rips the black mage out of the cockpit and wrestles her to the ground.

One advantage Rebecca had was that her Strider Bug was not only capable of remote control, but also somewhat sentient. The Strider begins to lay into the WarMech and Rebecca keeps Celestia away from her machine. Pinning the black mage to the ground, Rebecca grapples with Celestia as best she can to buy Bug some time. Celestia does her best to fite back, but physical fiting was not her forte.

The WarMech's tough playing begins to give way as Bug's strong weaponry begins to make its mark. Celestia struggles against her aggressor, but she can't seem to dislodge her. Her robot was getting trashed, and if she didn't get up soon, she would lose on account of a mech she couldn't remotely pilot...

Being smacked and punched repeatedly can make it hard to focus on casting the spells that could get one out of a situation like this. Celestia couldn't think well with Rebecca slamming her repeatedly every time the mage relaxed her retaliations.

Meanwhile, the Strider prepped its warp cannon for a finishing shot on the WarMech Leader. Celestia sees the situation though and realizes she has little time to prevent it. In a desperate move, the mage kicks her legs out. The sudden movement disoriented Rebecca, allowing Celestia to push her to the ground and dash towards the WarMech Leader. Blasting the Strider with a quick Blizzard spell, Celestia struggles to get back into the cockpit of her war machine.

The icy spell hits the cannon of the mech and freezes it, causing the odd weapon to malfunction. With a loud electrical snap and a puff of gobs of black smoke, the Strider's warp cannon is broken beyond use. Bug wails in frustration, but suddenly its wailing ceases. Rebecca has seized remote control of Bug, and is piloting it from far away. Bug's drum machine unleashes a volley of rapid plasma shots at the Mech, tearing off chunks of the plating it had already weakened.

Celestia struggles to fix up the controls Bug had bashed in her absence, eventually finding a BIG red button. Hitting the BIG red button, the Mech's salvo of missiles pops out and launches towards Bug. Although Bug would have been able to dodge the missile's itself with its reflexes, the woman controlling it from afar had little time to properly react. Missiles blow off the back leg of the Strider, sending it into a rocky bipedal stance. The remote control components of the Bug are also blasted off by one of the missiles. Rebecca curses a bit as she charges towards Bug to help guide the confused biomech.

Having exhausted her warheads, Celestia begins to hook back up the wires for the freeze ray. Rebecca begins to scale her giant mech, the Strider trying to get its bearings in its new standing setup. When Rebecca reaches Bug's head, she gently pats the confused Strider and begins to urge it to slam its legspikes back into the WarMech. Strider tries, but the odd stance causes Bug to tumble backwards. Luckily for it, Celestia gets the freeze ray working, but the controls send the ray blasting wildly around the arena. The runaway ice ray freezes Bug's feet to the ground, preventing it from falling to the ground. Rebecca clings on to the tilted Strider, but a sudden blast from a laser slices of the bit she held on to.

Rebecca falls to the ground, a sickening snap signalling an injured back. Rebecca struggles to get up, but the pain is to great. She looks up at Bug, who has righted itself and is firing its last weapon back at Celestia's machine. Lasers and plasma fly, but neither machine is going down. Armor is sheared off, vital systems are destroyed, and the weaponry of the WarMech Leader bursts in fiery explosions. Celestia tries to move her mech, but the motion systems for the feet were broken. The two were trapped, unleashing their entire payload at each other in the final standoff.

Only one could prevail.

Only one machine could be the winner.

Both machines fire one last powerful blow.

One machine's beam hits, but it is not enough. The other machine's beam tears right through its foe's vital systems.

One machine has lost.

But which?

The laser of the WarMech Leader tears right through the biological cerebral unit that Bug used as a brain stand-in. Rebecca screams in anguish, both out of physical pain and out of the pain of watching her mech die. Bug toppled down on top of her, but her opponent is not a cruel woman. Celestia immediately hops out of her own smoking mess of a machine and goes to help Rebecca out from under the Strider.

"Gezora declares Celestia the winner! Her annihilation of the biomech was most exceptional, except for all parts where her own mech was hit. But now, Gezora and the GezoraMech must leave. Gezora hungers for meat, and GezoraMech hungers for robo-meat."

Fite 31- Pet Fite (Ingo, Nago, Shelby, and Silver vs. The Tribbles)

Meow meow woof moo bark! Ribbit oink tweet ruff!

Now that we're done with that, it's time for the pet fite! We have two kitties and two ponies who are brave enough to face the mass of Tribbles we have laying around! Between Ingo and Nago the cats and Silver and Shelby the ponies we have three weapons: A fragment of the Lord of the Night's sword, a lead pipe, and a dagger taped to Silver's side. The Tribbles have brought a waterbed with pickles floating in it, apparently under the impression that it is a weapon. Now let's get this fite underway. Ingo, Nago, Shelby, Silver, and a couple thousand Tribbles, are you ready to Fite Yer' Mates?

...

That's right, they are animals. They can't answer. Anyway, let's Fite Yer' Mates!

 vs.

The Tribbles seethe about in an ocean of fur on the opposite side of a barrier meant to separate them from the pets until the fite began. The pets nervously shuffle about. Silver stamps its hooves, clearly the most motivated of the group to take on the Tribbles. Nago and Ingo seem only half aware of their surroundings. Shelby drops the lead pipe it was holding in its mouth. It tasted like lead, which is poisonous if ingested, so Shelby was not too fond of using the weapon its owner had assigned to it.

Then the barrier is retracted. Tribbles come spilling out, the waterbed with pickles inside bouncing over the army of furballs like a beach ball at a concert. Ingo quickly clambers up onto Shelby, afraid of the sudden action of thousands of hairballs seemingly striking back after years of careless regurgitation. Shelby rears back in a stereotypical horse-like fashion, but when the horse's hooves meet the floor again, they also manage to score a couple Tribble kills as the pony's ankles are surrounded by the fuzzballs. Silver runs directly into the flurry of fur, the knife taped to its side skewering a couple of the defenseless furballs who were unfortunate enough to be in its path.

Nago was trying a different approach though. It crawled on top of the waves of Tribbles and scampered away, occasionally feeling the nip of a hungry and curious ball of fuzz. It was going straight for the weapon the Tribbles had brought! Holding the sword fragment in its mouth, it's amazing cat skills helped it to get to the waterbed in amazing cat time without any unamazing non-cat problems! It leaped onto the bed and... laid down for a rest...

As a group, the Tribbles were not very intelligent. Many smaller Tribbles were trampled as the mass surged about trying to get to their opponents, but even when they reached their opponents, they mostly just knocked against Shelby's ankles or thrust their tiny bodies against Silver. Silver's dagger was soon full of skewered Tribbles, leaving the chrome equine bereft of its weapon's usefulness. Fleeing back to home-base (Shelby), Silver is followed by a horde of angry Tribbles. Angry not because of their fallen relatives, but because they were hungry and Silver was inedible! Silver runs under Shelby, stripping the dagger off with its mouth and beginning to pry the fluffy corpses off its knife with its hooves. The Tribbles begin to surround it, bashing against it and impeding its progress. Silver whinnies in anguish, and Shelby notices the metallic pony standing beneath it.

Shelby begins to shuffles about, stamping on more of the Tribbles in attempt to help Silver buy time. Unfortunately, Shelby seems to have been too overeager in her stomping. One of her hard hooves comes crashing down on the metallic pony's head.

Shelby pulls her hoof back up in horror, watching Silver stumble about before fainting from the head trauma. Shelby nudges the unconscious silver equine with her muzzle. Ingo looks down from the horse's back and sees the unfortunate knockout.

Something in Ingo snaps. It was one of Ingo's retracted claws, as it leaps down from the horse clumsily. It's mind is not going crazy, but boy is it angry! Ingo looks around at the Tribbles who surrounded the pony's feet, clawing the fuzzballs to death in a blind feline fury.

Out on the waterbed, Nago rolls over in its sleep. The bed was apparently comfortable enough to warrant a cat-nap, but the rolling Felis catus forgot about his sword fragment. The sharp blade piece punctures the water bed, causing water to spill out and wake Nago up in a very unfriendly manner! Yowling at the sudden water, Nago grabs its sword piece and leaps off the bed into the ocean of Tribbles beneath the mattress. Pickles spill out into the Tribble crowd, distracting them with the promise of food and increased ranks. Unfortunately for them, Nago sees the pickles and how they attracted the attention of the furry sea. Nago uses the gherkins as lures, killing any Tribble who dares go towards the batch of pickled cucumbers.

Unfortunately, even though the ranks of the Tribbles were thinning, they still had no problem overwhelming Ingo. Ingo tried its best to slash through the furballs, but its owner gave it no weapon for the fite, so it tired itself from physical exertion. The Tribbles had no trouble piling onto the poor cat and crushing it.

Ingo lets out a shrill yowl as it slips into unconsciousness from the massive weight of the Tribble pile.

Shelby has seen enough. One pony and one cat were taken out, but Shelby could no longer just stand by and watch. It was the biggest thing in the arena! Shelby begins to charge through the crowd of Tribbles, effortlessly trampling a plethora of the miniscule aliens. Nago and Shelby are striking back, and striking back hard! The Tribbles numbers have thinned from thousands to... well, still thousands, but not as many thousands. However, against these two competitors, they seemed to have no hope. Nago's sword piece glowed with a strange power that helped him slay any who got near enough, and the horse was much too large for the tiny Tribbles to handle!

Suddenly, a soft cooing is heard from a Tribble. Another joins in. More and more begin to trill the sweet song. The horse stops running, Nago stops attacking. Something about the song calmed them down, helped them relax and just enjoy the presence of the Tribbles. The Tribbles enjoy the lull in action, while a few of their ranks began to roll together. Something is happening... Well, yeah, you know something is happening, but something unusual is happening…

As the cooing Tribbles cease their musical humming, Shelby and Nago snap back into awareness. They remember where they are, why they are here, and what the Tribbles did. Shelby begins her mindless stomping of Tribbles again as Nago continues to wail into the horde of hairy aliens with the sword fragment. The Tribble army's numbers get smaller and smaller until Nago can actually see in front of himself without any furballs. Okay, without any LIVING furballs. There are, however, tons of furry corpses everywhere. The arena floor looks like a shag carpet that got carpet bombed with cranberry sauce.

Nago sighs a purr of relief, his murderous rampage really cut down the numbers! Nago takes a moment to breathe. Something large begins to roll towards the relaxing cat...

IT APPEARS TO BE A TRIBBLE THAT IS MUCH LARGER THAN TYPICAL SIZE!!!

The Tribble that appears to be much larger than typical size begins to roll onto Nago, who hops out of the path of the massive furball... Well, it's more of a clove shape now, but it is furry and a shape. The furry shape of the Tribble that appears to be much larger than typical size begins rolling towards Nago, who dashes through the remaining crowd of Tribbles to try and escape. Many of the unsuspecting Tribbles are quashed beneath the girth of the Tribble that appears to be much larger than typical size, but some seem to disappear into the mass of fur. Nago dashes about wildly, the sword once more grasped in its mouth. Shelby looks over and sees the massive Tribble that appears to be much larger than typical size and gallops off in terror, its size advantage lost to the behemoth of a Tribble.

Nago's sprint is interrupted when he absentmindedly slams into a wall of fur. A wall of fur belonging to yet another Tribble that appears to be much larger than typical size! Nago backs up and realizes he can't just keep running the whole time. He lifts the sword fragment and lays into the Tribble that appears to be much larger than typical size, but something appears to be off, something rather than its size. When the sword sliced into the fur, tiny Tribble corpses fall out of the Tribble that appears to be much larger than typical size. The TTATBMLTTS appears to be not one massive Tribble that appears to be much larger than typical size (thank god, that name is way too long!), but several Tribbles assembled into a massive Tribble Colony!

Nago's sword slashes multiple Tribbles out of the colony, but his sword fragment is still just a bit of a broken weapon. The Tribble colony rolls over Nago and begins to feast...

Nago is consumed entirely by the colony, but something inside the fur-clove begins to glow. The sword fragment, a piece of one of the Lord of the Night's weapons, began to disintegrate the entire colony of Tribbles that had consumed the cat.

Shelby fled as the disintegrating light enveloped not only the Tribble Colony, but a huge chunk of the arena.

When the light cleared, Shelby stood alone amongst about a hundred Tribbles and one Tribble Colony.

Shelby stamped her hooves and let out a snort.

The Tribbles rolled around, confused by the light's effects.

Shelby whinnied. If there were any horse whisperers in the audience, they might have heard Shelby say, "Let's do this."

Shelby found the lead pipe her owner carelessly gave her. Fighting against the poisonous flavor and just altogether bad taste, Shelby lifted it into her mouth and dashed towards the remaining Tribbles.

The Tribbles scrambled about, but nowhere in the arena was safe. Their safety was in numbers, but crowding together now would just make it easier for Shelby to kill them.

The Tribble Colony, however, remained calm. Even though it was made up of a group of tiny little Tribbles with various minds and personalities, they weren't focused on the trouble at hand. They cared little about the raging pony. Something else commanded their attention.

Shelby slammed the pipe into a few Tribbles, tinting the rusty tube red with fresh blood. The horse's hooves trampled a few others. Some Tribbles rammed uselessly into Shelby's side only for the equine's kicks to slam them so hard they died before landing. This was a pony on a mission, and that mission was kill all the Tribbles!

The few remaining Tribbles gathered together into a pile. There were probably 70 or so left, but they weren't going to face this crazy horse alone. Now, in their darkest hour, these Tribbles would have to stand together or risk extinction.

In another corner of the arena, some rather moist pickles sat in their own juices. The Tribble Colony rolls up the pickles and allows itself to scatter into a bunch of separate Tribbles. The Tribbles begin to feast on the pickles...

Shelby tears into the pile of 70 or so Tribbles, effortlessly bashing them with her pipe. Her teeth chipped from grasping the tube in her teeth, but she took comfort in the fact that the fite was almost over. The Tribbles tried to push out towards Shelby, but they instead tumbled into a disorganized mess. Shelby trampled the remaining Tribbles from the pile beneath her hooves, neighing proudly as she did so.

Shelby turns around, expecting to see her last opponent: the Tribble Colony.

What the poor horse sees instead is a mass of freshly born Tribbles surging towards her, hungry for their first meal of life. Shelby brays in both terror and exhaustion. She had just wiped out a mass of Tribbles, and now another wave came to face her. It never seemed to end...

The first wave of Tribbles surges by, kicking the legs out from beneath the horse. Falling to her knees, Shelby loses her ability to trample the newborn babies. A pile of Tribbles surges towards Shelby, propelled by the pushing force of what was once a Tribble colony. The younger Tribbles reach Shelby, who lashed out with the pipe she still clasped in her chipped teeth. A few Tribbles fall out of the pile, but a blast of tiny puffballs knocks the weapon from her mouth. Shelby neighs in surprise, but opening her mouth for audible surprise was a poor move.

The top part of the Tribble pile begins to flow into the horse's open mouth, filling its stomach to the point of bursting. Shelby finds herself overfed, and as more and more of the Tribble pile flows into her, she dies from forced overeating.

The remaining Tribbles push the dead pony over to retrieve their brethren, but it appears the Tribbles died when they forced themselves into the pony's esophagus. The kamikaze Tribbles are quickly forgotten as the new generation of Tribbles flows about in the arena, searching for a new meal.

We have to be honest... We really didn't expect them to win. We were kind of hoping the pets could wipe out the infestation, but now what do we do?

 "Gezora recommends napalm. Lots and lots of napalm."

Fite 30- Tapogre Fite

People of earth, I come to you bearing a message. A message of death... for TAPOGRES! Tonight in the arena, 12 Tapogres from various spamming backgrounds shall fite in the arena for the prize of one million bitcoins and (temporary) release from the Tapogre cage! We've got 12 of the many, many Tapogres who infect our world like a plague here to duke it out. Foreman Tramadol, Doghouse, Luling, Spatagots, Xrumer, Imarliage, Taiple, Seo, Trojan, Yquem, Accountant Frog, and Anna, prepare to Fite Yer' Mates! Yer' TAPOGRE Mates!

The Tapogres are unleashed into the arena, all except Doghouse, who had been ominously sitting in its doghouse waiting for the others.

The Trojan rolls in on his wooden horse, swinging his poorly made sword about to try and get some attention from the crowd. Xrumer goes to a dark spot in the arena and sits down, casting his line into the arena baited with a bitcoin. Imarliage finds a good spot near the middle of the arena and begins to beatbox in preparation for a sick rap. Spatagots was readying her AK-47 to shoot some weaker Tapogres to death immediately, but something about that Seo who is having trouble even walking...

The other competitors enter and begin to scatter about the arena, hoping to get some distance between them and the others so they can take a moment and think. Yes, Tapogres CAN think! Our scientists spent years studying them, and found them capable of recognizing different shapes and colors! Thank goodness Tramadol can't hear this, because he is busy trying to talk into the ear of Seo, who is stumbling about as Spatagots ogles him from afar. Seo's organic and mechanical components were never properly mixed. Spatagots wants to help, but boy is she shy!

Tramadol helps Seo walk, but immediately gets a smack across his face from the U-Tube Seo is carrying. The Googlebot part of him is out for blood, but the Seo part is profusely apologizing for the act of violence.

Taiple is busy having issues of its own. It is standing around holding its sickle and hammer like a dunce, wondering how its supposed to bend its knees and use elbows. Being made of code makes taking physical form an odd adventure. It looks around at the other tapogres, noticing that they all seemed to be doing their own thing for the most part. Someone would have to get this fite started for real, and Taiple saw a perfect target. Shambling towards his target, he eventually abandons the form of a Russian stereotype and reverts back into Russian code, flying towards his target, Seo, with ease.

Tramadol blasted Seo with persuasive words, but even though the organic part totally agreed with the foreman's words of non-violence, the machines in him pushed him to wail on the poor activist with his curved pipe. Taiple had no issues sneaking up on the poor possessed Tapogre, but Spatagots saw the code trying to interfere and opened fire with her machine gun.

Suddenly, upon hearing the gunfire, the other Tapogres are riled and ready to fite! The Accountant Frog charges towards Yquem, who runs off afraid of any confrontation. Anna approaches Luling, who instantly gets jealous and starts waving the bags of Runescape gold at Anna's face. The Trojan spots Xrumer in his hiding place and begins to wheel his wooden horse over to the phisherman. Imarliage... whips out some phat beatz!

Now listen up, I won't say it again.
This rapper is here to blow your brain.
I got four arms to tear your head in twain.
And a coin gun that will cause you major pain.

Ya'll Tapogres ain't got nothing on me.
I've got more gold than the Hammer MC.
I'm the strongest damn creature you'll ever see.
And you'll get a head full of metal if you disagree.

Ya'll think you hip, ya'll think you hot.
But you don't have half the muscle I've got!
So sit your ass down cause you're 'bout to get taught.
Because this Tapogre here's about to Rap-A-Lot!

Back over with Seo, Taiple has no problem dodging the bullets fired by the preteen Tapogre. It is just code, so the bullets shatter only tiny unimportant bits of its scrambled Russian letters. Unfortunately, since the bullets pass right through the code, Seo gets filled with lead. Spatagots stops her firing when she sees this and runs to help the poor half-organic, but Taiple has found an opening in his mechanical side's wiring. The Russian code flows into Seo, malfunctioning vital systems that keep the Tapogre alive. Soon, blood leaks out from Seo's robotic components as the remains of Googlebot are glitched beyond repair. Taiple flows out of the Tapogre as the unfortunate mix of man,Tapogre, and machine falls to the ground.

Spatagots reaches Seo and realizes he has died, but blames herself for it. The young Tapogress breaks down crying over Seo's corpse as Taiple floats off to reform into a Russian. Tramadol reaches out to comfort Spatagots, but gets smacked away.

"You don't understand! Adults NEVER understand!"

Spatagots runs off into the arena crying, ignoring the mayhem that was taking place around her. In fact, she seems to be running straight towards a bitcoin that seemed to be floating in the middle of the arena...

Be it by fortune or by luck or by a wooden horse crashing into a phisherman, the line that almost caught a preteen blinded by tears is jerked away just in time for the girl to continue running away unimpeded.

Xrumer was not happy to be ambushed by the nerdy Tapogre in homemade Trojan armor. Picking himself up and placing his phishing pole on his back, he began to dance away strangely from the LARPing Trojan, who struck his poor excuse of a sword against the phisherman repeatedly. Ignoring the nasally cries of "I got you! You're dead! I got you!", Xrumer weaved himself through other Tapogres who were fiting, hoping to lose the annoying Trojan.

Luling and Anna have their one-sided fite interrupted by Xrumer's dancing, and Anna uses the opportunity to hobble away from her aggressor. The Trojan, who had been following Xrumer, sees Anna run off and feels an odd stirring. He thought that Anna was pretty hot. Changing the direction of his wooden steed, he scoots after the red hot Tapogre, looking for love in all the wrong places.

Anna scooted off and hid behind the Doghouse so Luling couldn't find her. An odd growling met Anna's ears, but it was ignored because Anna really could not see a better hiding place in the vast empty arena. The Trojan wheeled up to the front of the house of the dog. He couldn't see anything in the house, so he foolishly assumed it did not contain any sort of dog-like creature and attributed the odd growling he heard to the hiding Anna.

I said Tapogres could think, but that doesn't mean they are very bright.

The Trojan gets on his knees and looks into the doghouse, thinking she had crawled inside to hide. He had watched her go over there, but his eyeglass prescription is not up to date, so he couldn't see she had hidden behind it. For this poor nerdy Tapogre, this situation was just a series of errors leading up to the inevitable...

With a large growl and a snap, the Doghouse reveals its resident.

The Tapdogre pulls his prey into his house for safe eating away from the eyes of the other prey in the arena. Hopefully they would fall for its trap as well.

Anna, on the other side of the doghouse, could hear the gnashing of the hungry Tapdogre as it devoured its prey. It was sickening. Anna didn't want to hurt anyone, but that poor geek didn't deserve the fate handed to him! The Tapogre with 3 Xs for a body considered how it could punish the ravenous canine devouring the innocent nerd. Anna has a thought... Its body is extremely hot, literally, so maybe it could make the doghouse a hot and uncomfortable place to live!

It isn't the best plan, but for a Tapogre it's pretty damn decent.

Anna hops on top of the Doghouse and stands in place as the red hot x-shaped body begins to do its thing. The Tapdogre inside begins to get really hot, but it waits until it finishes its meal to poke its head out. It couldn't see anything that could be causing the heat, but on the doghouse Anna stood still to avoid detection. Suddenly, the Doghouse's resident smelled something with its ultra-keen sense of smell... burning. Fire!

Although Anna hadn't planned it, the aforementioned red hot body was red hot enough to start the wooden house on fire! The Tapdogre tried to escape, but it was too fat from its most recent meal and found the doghouse it lived in stuck to his body. It yelped and cried in pain as Anna profusely apologized to it, but soon it resigned itself to its fate. The Tapdogre lied down in its Doghouse and burned to death.

Anna guiltily dismounts the doghouse and shuffles away slowly. Foreman Tramadol sees the poor Tapogre and goes to speak with it, hoping to convert at least one person to his cause.

Meanwhile, Spatagots has regained her composure, and is wandering around the arena looking for something to do just in time to hear some more sick lyrics from the dopest Tapogre in the arena...

Imarliage whipped out another rap, but even though he fancied himself a wordsmith, he was not above rapping another man's beat and calling it his own. This didn't matter to the preteen Tapogress though. In Spatagot's eyes, the four armed rapping Tapogre was the most amazing musician ever to grace the planet Earth with his presence. Spatagots began to whoop and holler his praises, encouraging Imarliage to get louder and more obnoxious with his plagiarized lyrics.

Elsewhere, Yquem struggled to keep the Accountant Frog at bay by giving it ridiculous amount of Château d'Yquem from the bottle that served as his left arm. The frog was getting very drunk, but the accountant side of him told him he would have to cut back on wine or risk a hangover, thus ruining his performance tomorrow at work! He didn't have a job, but he did have the DELUSION of a job, and damnit he was not going to risk losing it! The frog hopped drunkenly away from a frightened Yquem, who sighed with relief when the frog finally left him alone.

Tramadol, accompanied by Anna, sees the poor exhausted Yquem and goes to speak with him as well...

The drunken Accountant Frog hopped happily around the arena, ignoring a dead fly that someone kept constantly dangling in front of his face. He wasn't hungry for flies! He preferred bigger meals! While Xrumer cursed his inability to hook the frog while flyphishing, the Accountant Tapfrogre noticed a particularly juicy looking piece of meat distributing some mad jams for a young shorty. The frog was intrigued, not by the lyrics of a stolen song, but by the four muscular arms the jam distributor waved about.

Croaking and hopping drunkenly towards Imarliage, the Accountant Frog bumps into the preteen Tapogress who was enjoying the songs of the rapper. Angered, Spatagots whacks the Tapfrogre with her briefcase. However, when the frog sees the briefcase, its primitive mind leapfrogs to an illogical conclusion: this girl must be competition! Although competition does not run rampant in Accounting, in his DELUSION of accounting, people were always gunning for his job.

The Tapfrogre leaps towards Spatagots, mouth agape and ready to taste the meat of its first kill.

Unfortunately, his drunken leap veers towards the rapping Imarliage, which enrages Spatagots even more than if she was the one being attacked.

The preteen leaps in front of the rapper and unloads a clip of ammo into the Tapfrogre.

The frog falls limply in front of Spatagots, who kicks it away from Imarliage. The rapper chuckles, complimenting her on her sweet street smarts. This, of course, make Spatagots go crazy with squeals and honks of excitement that her idol acknowledged her.

Elsewhere, Luling is wandering about, trying to find something to do after Anna ran off. Luling didn't have to look for long, because a shambling excuse for a Russian Tapogre stumbled over and slammed its hammer into Luling's head. Luling fell back and swung forward with its bags of Runescape gold, scoring hits on the clumsy form of Taiple. It still hated its more solid form, but it was the only way to hurt its organic opponents. Taiple lashed out with its sickle now, successfully cutting open one of Luling's bags of Runescape gold, spilling the coins all around their feet. Soon, both Tapogres found themselves struggling to stand on the shifting golden floor.

Luling fell, giving the audience a very nasty upskirt. Thankfully, the Daisy Dukes it wore beneath its dress softened the still disgusting blow. Taiple fell as well, scrambling into a bunch of code again. Luling scrambled to get up when he noticed Taiple's current situation. The code scrambled about to reassemble itself, a head already formed of the Russian characters. Luling tried first to hit the code with the remaining bag of gold, but found it ineffective. It just jostled the code around. Then, an idea struck the fashion-foolish mind of Luling. Dumping the remaining bag of Runescape gold, Luling began to scoop the code into the sack, preventing it from reassembling into the body of Taiple. When Luling sealed the bag once more, Taiple's head plopped with a splat on top of the sack that now contained its lifeless body of code.

Luling shook the bag up and down like a maniac, enjoying the fresh sense of a murder well done.

Now with 5 of our 12 Tapogre fiters dead, who knows what will happen next!?!?

Wait... what's that?

Oh yes, I forgot to mention..... we sort of entered a thirteenth tapir.

 Fellas, meet the representative of porn-peddling Tapogres everywhere: mistertwister.

Mistertwister walks into the arena, shaking whatever its sick creator gave it. Sounds of repulsion emit from the audience, and the sound of a couple people vomiting can be heard. It truly is a disgusting sight. I don't know what we were thinking allowing it to enter this fite...

The remaining Tapogres in the fite all look at Mr. Twister in horror, especially since its name is Mr. Twister and it has a woman's anatomy (if you could call that anatomy!). Tramadol shields the young eyes of Yquem, and Anna seethes with rage at another woman(?) being allowed to enter the fite. Xrumer dangles his hook in front of Mr. Twister, hoping to kill it quickly. Luling scoffs at its lack of style. But what about Imarliage and Spatagots?

Imarliage is drooling over Mr. Twister's body! Spatagots is infuriated by her idol suddenly shifting attention to such a cheap floozy, and immediately hefts her briefcase up and hurls it at Mr. Twister. The briefcase was labelled XXX, but who knows what was in it.

Mr. Twister gets hit by the briefcase. The contents spill out onto the Tapogre... Wait, is that hand sanitizer?

Wait... Nope. It's nitroglycerin.

Imarliage scolds Spatagots for killing that hawt babe, but she begs him to rap more, so he is more than happy to oblige. However, elsewhere in the arena, Luling is approached by Tramadol, who talks briefly with him. Then, Tramadol, Luling, Yquem, and Anna all stand in the middle of the arena.

Tramadol begins.

"My fellow Tapogres, you were called here today to fite to the death for no reason other than to cull our ranks! We were brought here to fite for their amusement! To die for their amusement! I know none of you here want to die. We were brought into this world with minds and hearts capable of doing the same thing their hearts and minds can! Humans and other sentient beings look down upon us as if we were nothing! They treat robots with more respect with us!

But I ask you: Do you want to die here today fiting for a superficial prize like the bitcoins promised to us? Or would you rather join me and these upstanding Tapogres in fiting for something more important. We won't use weapons or violence to win this fite, we will use our words and actions. We will get people to recognize us as equals. We will fite for our rights! Tapogres are every bit as sentient as any of those watching us die in this arena. Let's show them we are not weak! United, we will be stronger than any metal! We will make them recognize us!

TAPOGRE POWER!"

Xrumer disregards the speech. But he does realize that dangling his line in the arena is getting him nowhere. Disappearing into the shadows, he begins to form a plan...

Imarliage, however, has heard the speech and is infuriated by it. Not because of its message, but because it interrupted HIS rapping! He hefted up his coin gun and charged towards the peace advocating Tapogres, his overeager preteen fan following close behind.

Imarliage begins opening fire with his coin gun, but the distance between him and his opponents ends up pelting the peace advocating Tapogres with a rather scattered grapeshot of coins. Tramadol and his compatriots flee, scattering to avoid the enraged rapper. Imarliage considers pursuing Tramadol, but the slow moving Anna is a much easier first target. Spatagots, meanwhile, decides to pursue Luling in an attempt to please her idol by murdering his rivals.

Yquem has ran off and hid in a dark corner of the arena, hoping that the duo of aggressive ogres could not find him. He was right about that at least, they wouldn't find him... Xrumer did. From the shadows, Xrumer appears with a garotte made of phishing line. Wrapping it around the poor wine-based Tapogre's throat, Xrumer strangles young Yquem to death.

Yquem falls lifelessly to the ground, but Xrumer isn't done with him. He pulls his pole back out and hooks a special line into the back of Yquem's skull. The fallen Tapogre begins to clumsily rise to the disturbing laughter of the phisherman of Tapogres...

Meanwhile, Anna hears Imarliage singing something to her as he chases after her...

Tell me again why you're running away - do you need me?
Nobody's home and there's nowhere to stay - do you believe me?
Maybe I can't be the man of your dreams - but I can save you
You were never really gone and it seems that you can feel it too
We won't see the stars if the sun is in our eyes... so don't look so surprised

Because it's just another reason why a fool like you
Would listen to a fool like me
I'll do what all the idiots around you do
And show you that you'll never be free

Anna turns around. "I'm sorry, I don't understand your lyrics! Can't we all just get along? I don't want to hurt anyone..."

Imarliage looks at Anna for a while. Has his heart been warmed by Anna's plee? Will he spare this hot young thang?

No.

"If you wanted peace, you shouldn't have interrupted my beats."

Anna's odd body breaks apart, the Xs tumbling to the ground. Cut off from whatever internal systems make up that strange body, Anna dies an unhappy death.

Spatagots was chasing after Luling, opening fire with her AK-47. Bullets graze against Luling's clothing, angering the Tapogre enough for it to turn around and slug the preteen in her face, knocking Spatagots to the ground. While the young Tapogress nurses the wound on her face, Luling witness the deaths of Yquem and Anna and quickly decides to abandon Tramadol's cause in favor of saving its own hide. Luling picks up Spatagots's gun and pulls Spatagots up off the ground by her trunk. Spatagots screams, but Luling slaps her to shut her up.

Imarliage turns around and sees Luling armed with the AK-47. He releases an angry honk as he realizes what was about to happen. He was about to lose his only fan. Imarliage charges towards Luling, prepping his coin gun for a lethal shot. He aims and fires, but he is too late. Luling has pulled the trigger on the machine gun and filled his young fan with harsh metal bullets.

A honk of anguish comes from the rapper as his coinshot hits Luling a little too late. Luling stumbles from the grapeshot, dropping the AK-47. Luling's Chanel Sunglasses fall off and shatter. Luling honks in anguish as well, feeling the same pain he had just inflicted on his opponent. Apparently it valued those glasses more than some value their friends. Damn.

Imarliage reaches Luling's position and crushes the AK-47 beneath his feet. He preps his coin gun for another blast, this time at close enough range to actually kill his fashion-unconscious foe. Tramadol could be heard screaming for peace between them, but the rapper's ears were deafened to the world. He cared only about avenging the shawty.

Luling looked up at Imarliage, prepared to avenge his glasses. Both had about the same motivation to kill the other. Luling leaped up and grabbed the coin gun, causing it to prematurely release its payload. Coins spilled around Imarliage as he dropped the gun and grabbed Luling with his bottom two arms. Luling struggled in his grip, but the rapper unleashed a flurry of punches with his upper arms, nearly knocking Luling unconscious from the severe head trauma inflicted by the blows. Imarliage switches his foe to his upper arms and lifts Luling above his head. With a loud triumphant honk, he avenges the shawty by tearing his opponent in twain.

Tramadol looks upon his comrades in horror. As soon as they announced their peaceful intentions, they were immediately killed. The world didn't want to hear his message of peace. But he couldn't let his cause die, he had to get people to recognize Tapogres as citizens. Phishing lines appear all around the arena, digging into the skulls of the dead who were still in one piece. Tramadol walks towards Imarliage, who towers above the foreman, still soaked in Luling's blood. With three Tapogres left, I have the feeling the finale is close at hand...

The arena was unusually quiet as Tramadol approached Imarliage. The rapper was still seething, but a lot of his energy was lost laying into Luling. Tramadol looked up at his much taller opponent.

"See what fiting has done? You lost your devoted fan, and why? Because we are commanded to fite to the death here. What will happen if you win? Do you think the humans will recognize your rap skill? Humans don't like music they didn't create, and the songs of someone they can't even imagine being intelligent will not be recognized. Imarliage, you are a reasonable Tapogre. Join me, join my cause. If we can get Tapogre Rights recognized, people will listen to your music, people will realize your rapping genius!"

Imarliage considered the words of Tramadol. One of his lower arms juts out towards Tramadol's neck! But wait... it stopped. It's not going to strangle the foreman, Imarliage is reaching out for a handshake! His size just puts his hand at the level of the foreman's neck!

"You speak pretty well. Just don't interrupt my beats again dawg. But I got your back fo sho!"

Tramadol and Imarliage shake hands, an alliance formed.

They formed this alliance just in time too, because the dead bodies of their competitors are standing back up. The corpses of Spatagots, Yquem, Seo, and the Accountant Frog are pulled over towards the two Tapogres by lines dangling from a pole up above the action. Sitting on a pile of corpses and discarded items, Xrumer is using his phishing pole to puppet the fallen Tapogres.

The fallen Tapogres surround Tramadol and Imarliage. Imarliage quickly lifts his new friend up onto his shoulders for protection, holding the pacifist foreman in place with one arm and slugging Tapogre corpses with his other three arms. Xrumer cackles from atop his pile as he wills the Tapogres all to grab a limb of the tall rapper.

Accountant Frog's corpse bites down on one of Imarliage's lower arms, successfully chomping the hand off. Imarliage punches the reanimated Tapfrogre with the stub of the arm, honking in pain from the blow. The frog is knocked backwards, but the line pulls it back around and slams the frog into Imarliage, pushing him to the ground. Tramadol tumbles off of the giant rapper's shoulders and rolls off. He screams out for Xrumer to stop the senseless madness, but the phisherman cares little for peace. Xrumer cares about bitcoins and phishing.

Corpse Seo rams his U-Tube through the other hand of the lower set of arms, pinning the arm against the arena's floor. The Accountant Frog bites around the other arm, keeping it from lashing out. Spatagots, wordlessly floating on the phishing line above her former idol, holds down an upper arm. Seo, the having successfully pinned down one arm already, uses his weight to keep the last arm down. Imarliage is pinned completely to the ground. Tramadol rushes to aid his ally, but the burnt corpse of the Tapdogre dangling from a line intercepts him. Tramadol backs away, forced to watch helplessly as the puppets of Xrumer do their work.

The dead Yquem kneels on Imarliage's chest and pours his wine bottle arm into Imarliage's throat. The Tapogre rapper drinks it gladly at first, but soon, the seemingly endless stream of wine catches up with him. Imarliage's eyes close.

Tramadol screams in anguish as another one of his allies dies. The burnt dog body lashes out at Tramadol, trying to finish Xrumer's last opponent off, but Tramadol rolls off to the side, grabbing a a sharp bit of the dog's own bone and slashing the line that allowed Xrumer to control it.

Xrumer swings his remaining puppets around to try and intercept Tramadol, who was now charging towards Xrumer. A rage burned in the foreman's eyes.

Pushing through the puppet corpses like they were a hippy's doorway beads, Tramadol reaches the pile Xrumer sits upon. Climbing up the corpses of other Tapogres and the discarded items, Tramadol reaches the top of the pile and grasps the phishing pole with his hands. Xrumer and the foreman tug back and forth on the pole, the corpses it dangled in the arena swinging about comically.

“Don’t you realize that you are just letting them kill us? They’ll probably kill you too some day! As long as they don’t recognize us as equals, we are all doomed to die pointless deaths! Can’t you see?”

“I’m nobody’s equal. I am above all else. I am Xrumer, and we all have to die sometime.”

Xrumer kicks Tramadol, sending the foreman off of the pile. But he still clung obstinately to the pole. Xrumer shakes it, trying to shake the pacifist Tapogre from his precious phishing pole. Tramadol holds on. Xrumer begins to adjust his puppets, positioning them beneath the foreman. Among the puppets is a new face… Imarliage’s corpse reaches up and grabs the feet of the foreman, trying to pull him down into the other corpses’ hands.

Tramadol, dangling from the pole, looks up at Xrumer, then to the crowd. They wanted blood. They didn't care about him or his brethren. No matter what he did, he would never be able to dissociate the name "Tapogre" from drunken stupidity. Years had been spent establishing his race as inferior, and now that they had a chance for change, they would rather choose death than try to make their life as a species better.

Tramadol's eyes began to tear up as his former ally pulled at his feet. In this world, even the strongest, most talented Tapogre would never gain recognition for his art or skills. Even if he wrote amazing literature and amazing speeches, people would still remember the foreman as a "credit to his species" rather than an equal. Tapogres would never have the rights they deserved, and now, the one person willing to push for those rights was about to fall pointlessly to a heartless member of the species he tried to protect and help.

Tramadol wiped his tears. He closed his eyes. He let go of the pole...

The puppets are on him. They tear into him, ruthlessly killing him. But Tramadol does not scream. He does not honk. He passes into death gracefully.

When the puppets are done, there is nothing left of Tramadol but his helmet.

The prize of one million bitcoins is wheeled out. Xrumer gets off his pile of objects and sits atop the pile of coins, overlooking the dead Tapogres coldly and without a word.

Gezora begins to try and lighten the mood with his trademark after-battle silliness, but the phishing lines of Xrumer grab his tentacles. Xrumer did not want his victory spoiled with silliness.

The audience shuffles out. Some members of the crowd feel off, something about the end of that fite felt... wrong. Maybe... just maybe... Tramadol's death was not entirely pointless. Perhaps, somewhere in the crowd, someone took his message to heart. Maybe one day, people and Tapogres can coexist. But for now, let's just enjoy the time when we can watch them biff each other, ok?

Fite 29 (RP EVENT, Guest Writer: Cornwind Evil) - The War To Settle The Score (Boss Battle against Lord of the Night)

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world.”
-Ephesians 6:12

It was a perfect night. Not a cloud in the sky, and a full moon. A hunter’s moon. Which shone brightly down on the Fite Yer' Mates arena, unblocked by its roof. Whether fair means or foul had removed the former covering, no one ever found out.

The arena was packed to the gills. With the constant delays of Zoofights, and rumors of corporate inference as the reason, the citizens of New York/Zoofights City had to come somewhere to sate their bloodlust. Among the many arena members were all the Bargoers who had not chosen to enter this battle. They all held high hopes that they would not be needed…and deep fears of the consequences if they were wrong.

The Soldiers of the Dawn came.

Zephyrus and Oceanus first, to scout the place for trouble. Erebus and Jonesy next, Antoinette in their shadow. Eddie and Garnet, axes at the ready. Persephone dropped down from somewhere above, while Shuma-Gorath emerged through a portal, throwing down a last drink before tossing it over his shoulder. The drink was grabbed by Jaxx, who had appeared even more abruptly with his fellows, the drinking glass multiplying and filling with some weird liquid/gas mix that all four threw down with a toast of “To kicking an idiot’s gulliver apart!” The ROB would remind you that it can’t float, but it managed to join up with the Fiters anyway. With a roar of turbines and jets, Widow Maker arrived in her mech, New Marlinnium on her heels. James and Gatorsquid arrived at the same time, their combined bulk barely making it through the door. Nightwolf and Harry also arrive together, an odd contrasting brotherhood as they each prepared their weapons. Delmond and the Stowaway were not immediately obvious, but a distant noise of engines indicated they would either be there soon or as soon as they were needed. Finally, Designate_5, gliding through the door like the ground was grease and the odd entity was a champion figure skater. The WALL!! might have also popped up, but if it did it was so quick that no one noticed.

Finally, Gezora emerged to the roar of the crowd, making its way to the center. The sounds slowly tapered off as the Soldiers got their weapons ready.

And they waited. Seconds ticked by. Jonesy questions an ambush, but Jumpropeman briefly appeared to dispel the notion. There will be no dropping of nukes on the arena to solve the problem…

“Gezora does hope! But Gezora wants SOMETHING to happen! Gezora did not watch all this and use the distraction to inflate drink prices without anyone noticing for there to be a forfe-!”

The Lord emerged.

No dramatic entrance. No blacking out the moon, or emerging on an ebony throne. The shadows just darkened at the far end of the arena, and the Lord came.

Dressed for success.

The boos came in a tidal wave, the arena drowning in hostility. The Lord, or rather Sine’s expression, never changed, though her eyes and face did, the blue and red constantly washing over with black, and then back to normal. Cold, harsh, determined, hands held before her as if in prayer, the Lord made his way across the stadium. Objects sailed through the air, hurled bottles, tomatoes, and other projectiles. None of them reached the Lord, vanishing four feet before they hit. The Lord finally stopped fifty feet from the Soldiers.

“Finally! Now, in case someone has forgotten, Gezora will…”

The Lord threw up a hand. The Soldiers recoiled, bringing their weapons to bear.

Nothing happened in the arena.

In the distance, the top of a skyscraper exploded. The removed arena roof allowed the distant buildings of New York to be viewed, the arena having been constructed at a particularly low ground point, one that was actually below sea level. The echoing boom drew the whole arena’s attention, half of it straining to see.

Where the skyscraper had once been…a giant heart beat. A giant black heart, seething with incalculable energies. A literal heart of darkness.

 “You’ve done well by me.” The Lord said. “And you’ll do it once more. With the darkness in these people and you.”

The Lord slapped his hands together, blackness swirling into a giant hourglass.

“When it’s over, the final surge of energies will warp time and space. Not enough to harm the world, or even this city, or you. But enough to scramble things so bad that when it’s snapped back to normal…I’ll be gone. Without a trace. And you won’t ever darken my door again. That’s my wish. Thank you for granting it.” The Lord said. “You have 88 seconds to stop me. 88 seconds to…”

“GEZORA PROTESTS! There is NOTHING in the rules about enforced time limits! You will-!”

The Lord’s hand snapped out, and with a giant echoing roar, the darkness blast flew out and exploded, Gezora vanishing in the black flames with a confused yell of protest. A severed tentacle flew from the blast, and when the smoke cleared, the barsquid was gone.

“No more rules.” The Lord said, her eyes turning midnight. “There was a time…when I thought of sparing your wretched little establishment…but now you shall witness…ITS DISMEMBERMENT-”

Jaxx’s cane smashed over the Lord’s head, sending the dark god stumbling forward, his crown flying off.

“Shut the sod up and start screaming, shithead.” Jaxx said, and flitted back over to the group, even as Zephyrus raised his arms, weapons primed.

“FIRE!”
The Lord looked up just in time for everyone to do just that. This time, he vanished, an unrelenting tide of explosions washing over him. A moment later, further firepower screamed down from the heavens as Delmond made his presence felt with his ship. The Lord’s form was barely visible beneath the combined efforts, even as the crowd tried to yell its approval over the noise.

The Lord had wanted to raise hell. Heaven, in turn, did their damnedest to raze him.

The hellstorm roared in the arena’s center, everyone with a projectile weapon pumping their shots into the blast like a giant video game as the hand to hand exclusive people began spreading out.

All save Widow Maker.

She knew how these things worked, and she didn’t plan to wait around for the smoke cloud to clear to get started. She immediately checked the sky first. With her scanners reading no ambush, she began scanning around…

The shadowy form was running alongside the arena wall. Widow Maker locked on and fired.

The solar turrets struck the Lord, and with a scream he tumbled off the edge and landed onto the arena floor proper. The mantis felt a surge of joy, but even as she did she was calculating…

The Lord stood up as the main chest cannon fired, and the Lord was hammered back into the arena wall, screaming as the solar ray burned him. His cloaks and robe lit on fire and vanished in a cloud of ashes, and he cowered beneath the concentrated rays of the sun, futilely trying to escape. Widow Maker didn’t need to shout to get everyone’s attention: her actions spoke for her. Inside her heart though, she gloried. She couldn’t keep this concentrated shot up long, but she could do it for more than enough time for the rest of the Soldiers to descend on him. This was going to be a curb stomp.

“All talk and no gooly.” Jaxx said, he and his others flitting into the arena crowd and throwing some nameless patrons out of their seats as they sat down and began eating popcorn, putting up their feet as they watched the Lord get fried. Delmond, on the other hand, turned the Stowaway towards the black, beating heart in the distance. Jonesy had things in hand, he would deal with that eyesore. Jonesy, for her part, was grinning like a fool behind her armor, even as the Lord thrashed beneath the sun beam.

Then the WALL!! appeared. Directly over the Lord.

“HELL YEAH HAVE SOME OF THIS ASSHOLE! FUCKING TRAP!”

The worms rained down on the Lord, jagged mouths tearing at his exposed skin. The Lord flailed beneath the solar ray and the bloodthirsty worms.

Then he grabbed a handful and thrust his arm out of the solar beam. With a surge of darkness, the worms disappeared.

Not vaporized. Teleported.

Directly into Widow Maker’s cockpit.

To her credit, the bug did NOT accidentally turn off the solar ray as she immediately began flailing about inside her mech, trying to keep the worms away from her. But the ray had been firing for nearly five seconds, and it needed careful modulation from the mech’s pilot to keep firing while dealing with the excess heat. Without Widow Maker’s guiding hand to do that, the safeguards kicked in and the ray shut off.

“Huh?” The Wall said.

The Lord’s fist shattered the face, before turning around and drawing Fantomas. If there was any residual effects of the solar ray, he did not show them.

“Now where was I?”

The Soldiers attacked, and the Lord met them.

Hacking through one of Gatorsquid’s tentacles, the Lord dodged the swooping tree lash that answered it, the makeshift weapon slamming into Shuma-Gorath instead and knocking him away. The ROB flew around Gatorsquid, electricity firing at the Lord. The Lord countered with a slashing black blast fired from his sword, the attack exploding and sending ROB tumbling away in turn. New Marlinnium swooped in, but the Lord dodged out of the way of that too. Recovering, Shuma-Gorath opened fire with his handgun, his efforts joined by Harry and Oceanus. Blurring his arms, the Lord deflected every shot with Sine’s stolen sword, dark energies rendering the acid and mercury Oceanus fired at him inert. Widow Maker, still beating at the worms, finally manages to get her harpoon arm locked on before she fired.

The Lord dodged out of the way.

Then he grabbed the harpoon arm. The SILVER Harpoon arm.

“You didn’t pay attention! When I emerged in the bar! Remember? IOCAINE POWDER!” The Lord yelled, and swung the mech around like it was a toy, slamming it into Oceanus and Shuma-Gorath, Harry barely avoiding getting smashed to paste as the other two were sent tumbling away. Zephyrus charged in their stead, eyes blazing almost as bright as the Ultima Weapon. Jonesy was at his side as Erebus’s blurring form surged in from another angle…

Directly through the portal the Lord threw up in Erebus’s path. Zephyrus’s charge was cut off as Erebus crashed into him, the two tumbling and slamming into another one of the arena walls. Whirling around, the Lord fired another slashing blast towards Jonesy, the explosion throwing her backwards. Turning around again, the Lord raised the dark weapon…

New Marilinnium’s hands clamped onto the blade as he passed, yanking it out of the Lord’s hands. It immediately became the smartest thing the WCW Fiter had ever done, as he dropped it, pulled an insanely tight turn, and flew back towards the Lord.

His sawblade nose tore open the Lord’s cheek as he flew by, the dark god unable to fully dodge. Blood sprayed. The WCW Fiter had his own moment of absolute joy, and did another 180 turn and charged directly at the Lord again, bellowing his success.

His saw nose slammed directly into the center of the Lord’s chest, and stopped cold. The jetpack whined and stuttered, the WCW Fiter trying desperately to continue onward. The Lord looked down at the sight.

New Marlinnium promptly disintegrated, dark energies tearing him apart from within. The Lord didn’t even lift a finger.

With a brief spark of eldritch power, the long cut on Sine’s cheek slowly closed up and vanished.

“Now then…” The Lord said, turning around and reforming his hourglass. “Before I was so rudely interrupted…88 seconds! STARTING NOW!”

The hourglass was slammed into the ground.

At the same time, the dark sphere manifested above the Lord. Calling Fantomas back to his hand, the Lord hurled Sine’s blade upwards into it. The dark orb absorbed the sword…and became a myriad of weapons, every kind of blade, bludgeon, and everything in between, an insane interlocking mass of death. The Lord reached up and yanked a pair of swords free of it, spinning them as his body began to surge with midnight energies….

Energies that exploded from the Lord, tearing open the air around him. The Abhorred spilled out, the masses of shadow clones manifesting their own weapons and descending on the Fiters. The Lord gave a wicked grin, holding up the giant claymore he’d summoned, and then with a slashing point, he sent the weapon sphere after the shadows in turn, hurling it across the arena like a giant pinball.

“…you’re not fillying anyone, needledick!” screams Saberus.

“Who’s first?”

The answer was Garnet and Eddie, their axes shining in the moonlight as they charged and leapt. The Lord crossed his swords in front of him and the two slammed their weapons against them. In an explosion of energy, the Lord blew them backwards, the two flipping gracefully and landing on either side of him. The ground erupted at the Lord’s feet, and James emerged…and went right back in as the Lord violently stomped on his head. Eddie and Garnet took full advantage and charged, their axes flashing and cross-cutting the Lord. Blood sprayed into the air, crimson red tainted with black. Falling to one knee, the Lord immediately took a Pokemon fist to the face as James returned, knocking the Lord backwards. Garnet followed it up with 1000 Needles, the spray of projectiles impaling itself into the Lord. Gatorsquid then made his return, swinging the tree down and smashing the Lord into the ground. Eddie let out a war whoop, delighted.

It faded when the Lord stood back up, pushing the tree up with one hand. Blackness surged over the Lord, destroying the needles and healing his wounds, Sine’s armor closing up and slowly regenerating right along with it. Blurring across the arena, the Lord sent James flying with a shattering punch, nearly tearing the Blastoise’s jaw off his head. Garnet flew in again, her axe meeting the Lord’s sword. Arcing energy leapt off the sword in turn, blasting Garnet before slamming her into the ground. Garnet countered with Bad Breath, only for the Lord to dispell the foul toxins in mid-air before he kicked the barbarian away. Gatorsquid surged over himself, surprisingly fast on his feet, or tentacles. The Lord met him with another blast, sending the hybrid beast flying across the arena…

Behind the Lord, Widow Maker aimed her solar cannons. Gatorsquid had signaled her, acting as a distraction. Time to….

The Lord’s sphere of blades flew at her, violently ricocheting around the arena, its inertia seemingly increasing every time it bounced off something. Widow Maker yanked on the the controls to dodge and re-locked her sights…

The Lord’s form vanished.

Half a moment later, another blade lashed out.

“Decapitation.”The Lord said to Eddie as he landed nearby, his tone so deadpan it would have murdered a whole kitchenware store. Growling, Eddie manifested his demon wings and flew in, axe swinging. The pair traded slashes before the Lord knocked the weapon aside and slammed his elbow into Eddie’s face. Blood and teeth flew, but the roadie turned his tumble into a flip and drew out his guitar. If the Lord wanted to declare no more rules, then he’d damn well bring it out.

“Rock can heal, but SOMETIMES IT HURTS!”

Eddie went to town on the guitar, busting out the Facemelter Solo. The Lord’s blurring charge towards him stopped in mid-move, the shadow god falling to his knees as Sine’s features began to liquefy. Eddie fired out the chords, swallowing his regret, Sine’s skull beginning to appear…

An eruption of dark energies blasts Eddie into the sky and tears his wings to shreds, the Lord having slammed his fist into the ground to send out the blast. As the roadie crashed down in the audience, the Lord stood back up, Sine’s features coalescing back together.

“Rock is dead.”

Nightwolf buried his hatchets into Sine’s shoulders from behind. The shamanistic energies surged out, slamming into the Lord and making him stumble. Nightwolf followed it up with a massive kick to the spine, the loud, dull sound of shattering bone ringing in his ears as he drew back. Emerald energies came to him, and as the Lord struggled to turn around, Nightwolf fired a piercing arrow. It took the Lord right in the throat, and the villain was thrown onto his back, blood erupting from his mouth. Garnet appeared above him, swinging her axe up for the kill.

The blood geysered out of the Lord’s mouth, spraying onto Garnet and driving her backwards. Sitting up, the Lord fired another spray of blood at Nightwolf, the shaman recoiling from the hideous corruption reeking in the liquid. The Lord took full advantage, drawing a sigil in the air and clenching his fist over it. Gravity increased ten times over where Nightwolf was, slamming him violently into the ground. Floating to his feet in a disgusting, boneless manner, the Lord pulled the arrow out of his throat, dark energies rippling along his back and neck as he turned to Garnet.

Her axe slammed into his chest, the barbarian having gone berserk in her defiance. More dark blood sprayed, covering the brave woman. The Lord responded by seizing her axe and yanking her forward. His eyes sparked, and black blades ripped open a dozen wounds on the barbarian. His blood surged into them, and Garnet fell to her knees.

The Lord yanked Garnet’s axe out of his chest, slamming it to the ground next to him..

Harry fired. He’d waited for his moment, and he’d taken it. The bullet slams into the Lord’s back, and pale fire erupted from the wound. For the second time, the Lord screamed, the Sol Invictus bullet burning him from within, a gift from Rebecca. Harry only lined up another shot and fired.

The Lord caught it, spun, and threw it back.

 “Stand down, old soldier.” The Lord said as Harry’s body collapsed, and winced before the Sol Invictus bullet was expelled from his body. Grabbing the bullet had also hurt like hell, but he could handle pain. With the sun-bullets gone, and his wounds closing up, he turned towards Garnet. No. Not Garnet. Everything about the woman was gone, even her rage. All that was left in her eyes was a mad bloodlust.

“A trick I picked up from the Warp. Kill.” The Lord said, and pointed Garnet directly at Antoinette’s distant form, as she battled with Erebus, Jonesy, Zephyrus, and Oceanus against Abhorred. Garnet grabbed up her axe and went directly for her, screaming. The Lord watched a moment, seeing Antoinette freeze and lock up, and Garnet hurl herself at her former friends, attacking in an insane frenzy that went beyond even her normal berserker rage.

The ROB would like to remind the Lord he should pay attention, as the Sintendo product flew in and hammered the Lord with devastating electricity.

The Lord staggered under the wrath of the ROB, turning and drawing a morning star from his weapons orb as it swung by. The ROB flew out of the way of the weapon’s swing, firing another blast of electricity. The Lord met it with his own energies, and the two warred for dominance.

The Stripper Cannon ended the war by blowing off the Lord’s firing arm. Yelling in pain, the electricity drove the Lord backwards against one of the arena walls. WALL!! emerged, but the Lord didn’t even notice him as he pushed off, looking at his two opponents. Designate_5 fired another shot, and the Lord dodged aside. WALL!! yelled as he took the Stripper Cannon blast to the face, the wall breaking apart as the Lord charged at Designate_5.

Activating subroutine: ZEAL.

The entity blurred out of the way of the Lord’s morning star attack, the ground erupting in darkness where the weapon struck. The Lord snapped his head to follow Designate_5, even as dark power carried his lost arm back to him and re-attached it. Pale flames had formed a framework around the cosmonaut, bitter cold fire that seemed to devour heat instead of produce it. The Lord snapped his eyes back to the nearby floating ROB as it moved to flank him.

“Excellent.” The Lord said, and slammed down his legs, thrusting out his arms. Darkness EXPLODED off of him as a sphere, engulfing the whole arena and most of Zoofights City in two massive, cold waves. The darkness in turn surged back into the Lord, his body crackling with so much midnight energy he seemed ready to explode. The weapon sphere flew by again, the Lord grabbing a hatchet from it.

“Boo! Boring! We want krovvy and gore, not weeaboo shite!” heckles Saberwulf.

The Lord tore towards Designate_5, the entity blurring away in turn. Cold fire and darkness blasted the ground, the Lord slamming the axe he’d picked up into Designate_5's arm, and in turn getting a freezing-cold fire punch to the face. ROB met the Lord’s tumbling form with several metal chairs he’d electromagnetically yanked from the crowd, whose former occupants had taken the darkness washing over them (and in some cases, leaving them feeling drained and lethargic) as a sign to get out (the Bargoers, of course, stayed right where they were). The Lord blew the chairs to pieces, causing the ROB to scatter, the Lord swinging back to his feet and throwing out a hand.

Bastion.

The Lord unleashed a spray of dark blasts, consuming Designate_5 in explosions. Flying into the smoke, the Lord followed it up with a fist. It slammed futilely against Designate_5’s now-insanely-dense body, and the Lord flew out of the smoke to meet an Ice Beam, the dark god frozen in place as James returned.

In the distance, Erebus, Jonesy, and Zephyrus all tried to hold off a furious Garnet, even as Antoinette remained curled up in a ball and Oceanus fought the Abhorred all by himself. To Antoinette, Garnet was screaming the things that had haunted her nightmares for so long. Blood. Skulls. Death. Horror. None of the trio defending Antoinette had yet figured out a way to properly stop the out of control barbarian without hurting her, and that option was rapidly going off the table.

The ROB returned, the three surrounding the Lord. James activated Double Team as the Lord broke free of the ice, and then the Pokemon charged in. The Lord was promptly slammed into the arena wall, before James yanked him away and smashed him into the ground. Aiming another Ice Beam, the Pokemon was knocked back with a kick to the chest, staggering to the side. The Lord stood up in time for Designate to blur over and smash both his fists into the Lord’s chest, shattering the arena wall. Designate glided back, and ROB returned, charging up a brand new shot…

The portal came out of nowhere. ROB flew into it, ending up directly behind Designate_5. The two Fiters crashed into each other, Designate_5 unable to stop its momentum and the ROB’s plasma ball went out of control from the sudden, intense impact, unleashing an electromagnetic storm.

Designate’s body was torn to shreds by the chaotic energies, leaving a fiery blue phantasm behind as ROB is hurled across the arena in a smoking heap. The Lord promptly unleashes a car-sized energy shot that blasted the essence of the cosmonaut into nothingness. Brushing himself off, the Lord strolled over to James.

“How do you say ‘You’re out of your league’ in Pocket Monster?” The Lord said.

The Pokemon unleashed another Ice Beam. The Lord fired back, his dark blast tearing through the freezing energies and slamming into James, wrapping around him as the Lord lifted him off the ground and manifested a bed of spikes.

Gatorsquid struck first, lunging in from the side and chomping the dark grapple-line in two. James fell to the ground with a painful crash, even as Gatorsquid shook his head, trying to get the horrible taste out of his mouth.

And then…

 “Should have made sure, Richy.” Widow Maker said, and swung the mech around before she fired every solar weapon she had.

The Lord promptly grabbed Gatorsquid with more of the same grapple-lines the beast had bitten through and used him as a shield.

The hybrid bellowed in pain, the solar rays searing into his skin and muscle. Widow Maker’s eyes widened, and she frantically tried to turn the solar weapons off. The Lord did it for her, firing a point blank blast into Gatorsquid and sending him flying across the arena.

The creature’s bulk smashes into the machine, staggering it as Widow Maker frantically tried to regain control.

James got up in time for the Lord to blur over and kick him in the shell so hard it cracked. The turtle flew across the arena in turn and crashed into Widow Maker and Gatorsquid, and they all went tumbling down. Manifesting an eye-like energy sphere, the Lord hurled it after them, the explosion blowing pieces of flesh and metal across the whole arena.

The Lord cracked his neck, dark energies washing over him again as he blurred back towards the arena’s center, the sphere flying past him again as he drew a glaive and a katana from it. After a moment, he stopped

“…hello Rend.” The Lord said, turning around to see Persephone. Her electronic eyes narrowed.

“That’s not my name.” Persephone said, her claws arming.

“So you chose.” The Lord said, and black mist erupted on his weapons. “Let’s see if it was a good one.”

 Delmond Taggert cursed under his breath.

He wouldn’t say that the Stowaway’s laser turrets and, in the event that had just produced the curse, the Yamato plasma cannon, were doing NOTHING to the heart…but the barrage had done nothing to severely damage it either. It was still beating, despite the smoking holes in it, and blasting the building beneath it had done nothing. Delmond figured that if he had ten or so minutes of concentrated fire, he could destroy it…but he’d overheard the Lord on Jonesy’s communicator. 88 seconds. How much time had passed since then? Enough that Del didn’t bother to check, instead giving the order to turn around. He’d been partially glad for the heart serving as a target, but he couldn’t waste any more time. If the heart was immune, Del would go for the head. Even if he had to glass the whole stadium and everyone in it.

Eddie, meanwhile, slashed through his last Abhorred and glared at the Lord as he locked horns with his former Genocide member. Eddie dragged out his guitar again, as he began playing as hard as he could.

“You may not have a heart proper, but I’ll STILL make it palpitate!” Eddie declared, as the fighting spirit enthused Persephone with Battle Cry. Dodging one of the Lord’s slashes, she whirled behind him and slashed open his legs. The Lord staggered, and then Nightwolf returned as well, his body glowing bright green as he slammed into the Lord with his shoulder. The Lord was slow to get up due to the slashed tendons, and Persephone leapt in and stabbed for his neck.

Eye beams erupted from the Lord, striking the robot in the chest, the explosion nearly ripping her armor plate off and blowing her backwards. Nightwolf took full advantage and swung out, burying his green-shining hatchet into the Lord’s own chest, causing the Lord to snarl in pain.

“Baddiwad!” the Yellow King exclaims

Grinning, Eddie switched solos and began playing Anvil of Burden, causing metallic weights to be attached to the Lord’s legs. Nightwolf yanked the hatchet out and sprinted out of the Lord’s range, the shadow god slashing and missing and finding himself unable to follow properly due to the weights. Persephone then returned, leaping and driving her claws into the wound, tearing through the Lord’s ribs and impaling her claws directly into his heart.

“Choodessny! She got some zoobies!” Jaxx calls out.

The Lord fell to his knees, and Eddie switched solos one last time. Time to bring down the house and Bring It On Ho-!

The portal appeared next to the Lord’s hands as he tossed his weapons aside, thrusting out his now free-appendages towards the schisms. As he fired the blades through them, the other side of the portals surged into existence.

Directly in front of Eddie’s hands. He shouted in pain, his hands impaled, and then the portal blurred up behind his head. The Lord thrust his hand through it, seizing Eddie by the hair and slamming his head violently against the ground before hurling him across the arena. Withdrawing his hand, dark energies poured over the Lord, the wound in his chest beginning to close. Nightwolf immediately fired another arrow, but the Lord knocked it aside, standing up. Persephone broke into a rabid dash, running around the Lord and leaping for an opening.

The Lord grabbed the chains he was anchored to and swung the weights directly into the robot, sending her tumbling across the arena in turn, pink metal breaking off her with every bounce.

Garnet finally broke through Zephyrus and Erebus’s guard and lunged for Antoinette. The trio had tried their best to use their weapons to purify the barbarian, but between her insanity and Oceanus being unable to handle all the attacking Abhorred, things had gotten away from them.

Antoinette wished she could have saved Garnet with a hug and calling her her friend. But she knew she couldn’t take that chance.

So she dodged away from the crazy barbarian, ducked when the possessed woman swung her axe around in a roundhouse, and buried the end of her bat into Garnet’s stomach. Blood erupted from the wound, and after a flash of white, more blood, this time pitch-black, erupted from Garnet’s mouth, as she fell to one knee and vomited up the poison the Lord had tainted her with. Antoinette would have checked on her, but she was unable to as the last of the Abhorred masses not already engaged attacked the five Soldiers immediately after Garnet’s exorcism.

“Hmmm.” The Lord said, observing this. Nightwolf showed him his folly by impaling an arrow in his shoulder, and then in his knee. Drawing his knife to complement his hatchet, the shaman closed in again, green life energies surging on his weapons…

Before the blast, mist tore off the Lord’s own blades and closed onto Nightwolf, the shredding energies tearing into skin and muscle. Rend’s destroying cloud, repurposed for her former master. Nightwolf was a hardened warrior, a champion of Kombat, but even that was enough to make him recoil.

The chains attached to the weights snapped as the Lord broke free, the arrows burning off of him as he lanced towards Nightwolf.

X-Ray Move: FALL FROM GRACE!

The Lord lashed out with a kick, the blow shattering Nightwolf’s left leg and pelvis and sending him briefly hurling into the air. The Lord leapt and caught him in mid-toss, pulling Nightwolf’s body over his in a torture rack and slamming down, violently bending Nightwolf over his shoulders and shattering his spine. Tossing Nightwolf off of him, he spun and lashed out with a backhand, the blow shattering Nightwolf’s ribs and sending him crashing down near Persephone.

“…he’s unstoppable…” Persephone whispered.

“…no child…” Nightwolf coughed, blood spilling from within him. “Do not be deceived by…the shadows…he hides…we are hurting him…he cannot continue like this, not forever…he can be beaten…he MUST be beaten…!”

Persephone blinked. She remembered Optimus, and what she had told him about his defeat of the Lord. The false defeat.

She would make it real. Getting up, she ran towards the Lord as he prepared to blast the stunned and dazed Eddie from range. A slash from her claws put a stop to that and cost the Lord a few fingers, and then she did a dramatic leap to dodge the ricocheting weapons orb. With another snarl, the Lord grabbed a barbed whip out of his said orb and sent it lashing at Persephone, who suddenly found she had to be faster than the speed of sound.

Garnet, meanwhile, could feel the deep liquid agony within her. Antoinette had freed her of that bastard’s possession, but doing so had torn her up inside terribly. She knew her strength would start failing in seconds…and she had no plan of letting them pass unanswered. Saving everything she had, not even roaring, she got up and pierced through the battle with the Abhorred, running directly at the Lord.

The whip’s barbed end impaled into one of Persephone’s eyes, shorting it out. Persephone responded with a spinning kick, blood and teeth flying from the Lord’s mouth. Doing repeated flips off her landing, Persephone lanced back in, the Lord blocking her attack with a shield and trying to blow her apart with multiple blasts. Persephone did rapid cartwheels and finally a backflip into a thrusting kick. The Lord stumbled back, and Persephone flipped off the kick a nearly complete 270 degrees, landing on her feet and slashing the Lord across the chest. Blood sprayed, staining Persephone’s pink form with red.

White then adorned the Lord’s legs, as James fired an Ice Beam from across the arena, freezing him in place. Persephone did one final flip and stood in challenge. The Lord’s eyes narrowed…

Garnet reached him then, her fist pistoning out, attacking with all her strength and her pain. LIMIT GLOVE!

And the Lord clapped his hands, Sine’s corrupted blood activating the last traces of his power within Persephone, and promptly switched places with her.

The robot never knew what hit her.

Garnet stumbled and fell to one knee, looking around at her ally who she had just destroyed. She then turned eyes of black hate onto the Lord.

“COWARD.”

“Pragmatist.” The Lord said, and unleashed an incinerating wave that burned the barbarian to a crisp.

Darkness washed over the Lord again, as he looked around the battle stage.

His eyes settled on Shuma-Gorath as the chaos lord finally tore the last of the Abhorred that had been attacking him apart. The Lord’s eyes narrowed, even as the dark lightning began burning on him again.

Shuma-Gorath turned to the Lord as the Lord tore across the arena so fast he shattered the ground in his wake. When he slammed into Gorath, they went directly into the stands.

“HELLO MASTER!” The Lord hissed. “REMEMBER ME?!”

"YES! I REMEMBER YOU!" Shuma roars. "When I first found you, you were NOTHING! You were a microscopic dot on another microscopic dot! You were a remora, clinging onto the side of a massive shark, begging for scraps! And I pitied you, because you were young and frightened, and I took you and taught you the ways of the universe! And then you found that pathetic fleshling Richard, and then you took my words and twisted them into insufferable GOBSHITE!

Let me tell you something, Lord! You spread despair wherever you go, poisoning worlds with your infallible arguments on human nature! But despair is but a mere fraction of CHAOS! I am Chaos incarnate! I am the beginning and the end of everything, He Who Sleeps and Has Awakened! You were nothing then, and compared to me you are STILL nothing! You want to destroy all reality?! That's MY job, you red-eyed demigod FUCKER!

Also, you skimped me out on the bill at Olive Garden! Do I look like Don King to you?!

Hello, Remora! I'm the shark!

AND IT'S DINNERTIME!"

Oceanus finished the last of his Abhorred and turned to find the Lord. Instead, he found a tumbling, chaotic mass of destruction as the Lord and Shuma-Gorath battled across the arena. Shuma-Gorath had lost his gun, but he didn’t need it. His body and powers were enough. He roared his anger at the Lord...and didn't get the response he expected.

"You IDIOT! You're mashing together my story, the Dweller-In-Darkness' story, and D'Spayre's story! You should DRINK LESS!"

“...IT DOESN'T MATTER! No wonder I couldn’t remember you!” Gorath declared. “You weren’t WORTH remembering! Just another rat in my maze! Lesser than even Mephisto and Satannish! At least I remember their NAMES!”

“That was then. This is NOW!” The Lord snarled, breaking away from Shuma and firing a spray of blasts. The chaos lord rapidly ran across the arena length, dodging the blasts as they blew up more of the stands, people fleeing for their lives.

“Not much has changed!” Shuma-Gorath said, and leapt into a portal. Emerging next to the Lord, Gorath’s body converted into a jaw that clamped shut on the Lord, shredding his body before hurling it to the ground. The Lord blurred away as Gorath came down after him, his tendrils impaling into the dirt. The Lord unleashed spinning black blades. Gorath knocked them aside and fired a lancing beam from his eye that blew the Lord into another part of the stands.

“A squealing little worm that wanted to be a monster! Fancied itself too good to not take a knee! Now I remember! You ran like a coward when Abraxas came calling!”

“That was several aeons and a LOT of thought ago, Gorath!” The Lord said, and tore a chunk of the arena out of the stands and hurled it at Gorath. Gorath transformed into a crushing spiked ball and smashed through it, bouncing over and lashing out with his arms, sending the Lord crashing through yet more of the stands. The Lord manifested more black blades and tried to impale Shuma this time. Shuma let the weapons break on his skin and teleported away, emerging behind the Lord and grappling onto him with his tentacles.

“Pathetic. You wish to be a TRUE lord of destruction, a master of death? Come and…” That was all Shuma got out before the Lord lashed out with his hand, drawing runes in the air. “What?”

“Like I said Shuma. I changed. I evolved. YOU HAVEN’T. AND WE'RE NOT IN YOUR REALM.” The Lord spat, and slammed his hand into the sigils. Shuma’s whole body abruptly glowed black. “Omega level binding: ABSOLUTE STASIS!”

And within Shuma, the pain bloomed. He was a lord of chaos. His very being was forged of chaos, of change. The Lord had just completely locked everything down. He’d taken chaos and imposed ORDER on it, locking Shuma completely in place, now unaffected by anything. Perfect quiescence.

Not only was this agonizing, but unfortunately, said perfect quiescence included the Earth’s rotation.

Shuma-Gorath flew backwards like he had been shot out of a gun, the earth spinning at nearly eight hundred miles per hour at this latitude and Shuma no longer bound by that motion. He crashed through the arena and the bar, and onwards into New York City and beyond.

“Call me a waste of flesh, but your flesh is about to get wasted.” The Lord said.

“YEAH WE’RE GONNA WASTE SOME-!” The WALL!! yelled as he manifested next to the Lord.

The Lord turned around and reached out, black power tearing WALL!! out of the greater mass of stone he had appeared on, the Lord thrusting his face into the creature’s.

“Two things. One, I am possessing this body. She is not actually a transsexual. Two, if you want to pick a fite with me over that, THEN KNOW WHAT I AM.”

And the Lord shoved a sampling of his history, and all he’d done, into the WALL!!

The WALL!! quickly made up his mind about what this meant.

The WALL!! scampered past the five as he ran for it. Erebus did not even turn to watch, his eyes fixed on the Lord. His gaze was joined by Zephyrus, Jonesy, and Oceanus, with Antoinette behind them.

“Oh, what’s wrong? Don’t have a game of laser tag to get to?” The Lord said. The weapons orb flew past, the Lord yanking a kilij and falcata sword from its mass, and gestured for the five to see if they could fare any better.

The Saberwulf quartet pipes up: "Tear his gulliver off!" "Cook his ass!" "Zephyrus itty make me a sandwich, I think the pischa here sucks!”

Erebus blurred over, his claws crashing against the Lord’s falcata sword. Zephyrus came in on the other end, the Ultima weapon meeting the other blade. Jonesy charged in, her Nemesis force weapon glowing bright. The Lord teleported away before she could reach him, re-appearing nearby. Oceanus opened fire with his harpoon launcher, Zephyrus adding to the firepower with Quick Boomerangs and Needle Cannon shots. The Lord’s blurring swords knocked all the projectiles away. Erebus blurred in again, but the Lord matrix-ducked under his slash and thrust out his leg, kicking Erebus high into the air. Spinning back up, the Lord locked blades with Zephyrus as he attacked again, sparks flying from every strike…

The Nemesis weapon slashed, and the Lord ducked, Jonesy knocked Zephyrus ass over elbows backwards. The Lord blurred away, his blades erupting with dark power as he swung them back…

The Stowaway opened fire then, and the Lord vanished in explosions with a yell. Zephyrus picked himself up and signaled to Oceanus, even as Erebus landed on his feet across the arena, smashing a crater from his impact.

The Lord erupted from the explosions…and was caught in a tornado.

“Special move: Vortex Brothers! HEAVY METAL MODE!” The robots said, as Oceanus fired Bubble Leads into the tornado. Zephyrus then twisted the funnel of wind and slammed the Lord into the ground, the Bubble Lead sticking to him and pinning him down. One blast of the matter alteration cannon, and the lead was turned to osmium.

“NOW GIVE MISS SINE BACK OR-!”

Zephyrus’ error then came into play. He had assumed that once the Lord was pinned down, Delmond would stop firing on him.

He was wrong. The Stowaway locked on and immediately unleashed every lower cannon they had on the Lord once again, his form again vanishing into the explosions. Zephyrus screamed and yelled for them to stop, but it was doubtful that Delmond would have even if he could hear him. He meant to annihilate the Lord, and by heavens…

The black form lanced from the explosions, moving five times as fast as he had before. Delmond barely saw it before his ship rocked so hard that he felt like it had been grabbed by a pair of giant hands and shook. Alarms immediately rang across the whole console. The Lord had jumped right through his armor.

“Fuck!” Delmond cursed, even as the ship bucked and rocked even more. Explosions began blasting across the ship, and after a few seconds Delmond made his choice. Standing up, he drew his rifle and emptied it into the controls. Maybe his ship would fall, but it damn well wouldn’t be turned on his allies.

The door behind Delmond bulged inward from a great strike. Delmond ejected his rifle clip as he turned around and slammed in another one. He briefly debated whether he should fire through the door, or wait for it to break. The answer was, why wait?

The bullets tore the door to shreds…revealing nothing behind it.

The shadow tendrils ripped through the ceiling, tearing at Delmond even as they impaled into the ship controls.

“MAYDAY! MAYDAY! YOUR SHIP HAS TAKEN TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE DAMAGE! YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS! YOU REQUIRE MORE VESPENE GAS!” The Lord yelled, as Delmond fought for his life against the piercing tendrils. Crouched onto the top of the cockpit, the shadow lines having erupted from his body, and with the ship having tried to retreat from the arena upon being attacked and having put some distance between them, the Lord looked up to see the tiny forms of his opponents still there. Unfortunately, without Mach, none of the evident ones could fly. Which meant…

The broken controls could still be directed to do one thing.

“DRIVE ME CLOSER! I WANT TO HIT THEM WITH MY SWORD!” The Lord said, holding up his kilij…

The ROB could not feel joy. But it could definitely fake smug satisfaction that the Lord had forgotten it. Again.

A torn-up piece of metal slammed into the Lord, throwing him off the ship. The ROB could also make no expression of intense concentration either, but the way it briefly waved its plasma orb didn’t do too bad a job.

The lightning bolt that flew from it would have made Rain proud. It slammed into the Lord and drove him all the way back to the arena, dragging him across the floor of it before he stopped. ROB could not make a taunt…in fact after that expenditure of power, it couldn’t do much of anything except fall.

In an eruption of dark power, the Lord got up, ready for the attack…

It did not come. The Lord immediately discovered why when he turned around. The Stowaway was in freefall, just as he’d commanded it.

The problem was…he was now in front of it.

 “…Oh dear.”

In the cockpit, Delmond Taggert sat quietly. He’d known the risks.

“Semper fi. Do or die.”

The Stowaway crashed into the arena, and everything was fire and metal.

----
And then...

The arena had been shattered by the impact of the ship. Half of the stands were now in flames, and the Stowaway had broken into pieces, said pieces also burning. The air was thick with choking black smoke, and of the Fiters, there was no sign.

Then a portal opened, and the Lord dropped down on the ground. For a moment, he stared at all of you.

“…what? Did you expect me to just stand there?”

Erebus emerged from the smoke so fast it got dragged behind him in his slipstream, his claws lashing out and tearing into the Lord’s body. The darkness burned away at his touch, and Sine’s flesh blistered even where the claws did not go near, the space marine pulling his friend’s form up and trying to drive the Lord out of her.

The Lord responded by manifesting a blade and impaling it directly through Erebus’ helmet. Due to the way his artifact subtly altered his skull, all the Lord did was deeply slice across the top of Erebus’s skull instead of impaling his brain. The burst of dark power the Lord fired down the blade was still enough to make Erebus let go. The Lord immediately fired more blades at Erebus, only for the space marine to blur away. Landing on his feet, the Lord gathered his energies and manifested his own claws on both hands.

Erebus returned within a second, and the two became a flashing mass of black and blue, slash marks appearing on the ground, the walls, and on pieces of rubble seemingly by magic. Finally, the two drove towards each other, their claws slamming together and causing an eruption of force that sent both flying backwards…

In the Lord’s case, directly into a swing by Jonesy’s Nemesis force weapon. The shining brilliance of the holy blade seemingly burned away all the darkness around the Lord, sending him tumbling across the ground with a scream. He got up to have Erebus’ claws catch him and hurl him into another wall…

Jonesy was right behind him, driving the halberd into the Lord.

There was a brief pause.

The Lord SCREAMED. He had emitted noise to indicate pain before, but never at this volume. It was so loud and so soul-wrenching that even Erebus recoiled from it. Jonesy, being the closest to it, nearly had her eardrums explode. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that, under the Lord’s agonies, Sine’s own voice was joined in the cry. Jonesy was torturing her.

The old Jonesy wouldn’t have hesitated. Would have just driven the spear in harder until the Lord was gone.

But the bar changed you. And for a moment…Amanda Jones hesitated.

The weapon orb crashed into Jonesy from the side, the pinball nature of it finally coming into play. The impact caused Jonesy to yank the halberd out, freeing the Lord. Erebus, to his credit, was right on the Lord, slashing with his talons.

The Lord blocked with one arm.

“NOW I’M ANGRY.”

The two Night Lords vanished in darkness, and after three quick, horrific impacts Erebus re-appeared, tumbling across the ground, his armor scorched and dented. Jonesy, having picked herself up, yelled and turned to the Lord, her weapon shining brightly…

So the Lord manifested portals behind her and fired twin blasts that impaled through Jonesy’s armor at the back of her knees, exploding both kneecaps. Hard to swing a weapon if you have no vertical base. Jonesy went down with a scream, and with a roar of bellowing rage, Erebus charged in once more.

Right into one of the Lord’s nastiest surprises. Remember when the Lord claimed he hadn’t been able to learn Ultima from Regal’s remains? HE LIED.

The ultimate magical explosion hurled Erebus’s smoking form backwards, his body slamming onto the ground. The Lord noticed movement in the corner of his eyes, but he ignored it, as with a gesture, black wires wrapped around the space marine, pinning him in place.

“This time…” The Lord said, the weapon orb flying next to him and freezing in place, as the Lord leapt upwards. “I WON’T MISS.”

The Lord punched the orb, and it shattered, raining down a killing storm of black death onto the Astartes…

"NO!"

Before James leapt in front of Erebus.

“…James…” Erebus said, breaking the wires like it was nothing, even as he desperately looked at his first friend’s pulverized remains.

“…Erebus…sorry…I…” The Pokemon said. He wanted to tell Erebus so many things. That he regretted that he and Erebus would never have their Fite. That he was ashamed that he'd cowered in fear, just for a moment, and almost ran away from this. That he wanted to see Jonesy and his house. That Erebus was a true friend, and James wished he could have told him that properly...

But he couldn't, because even as he regretted, the life left his eyes. The black blades surged energy into him, vanishing as they burned the corpse to ash.

Jonesy felt her heart wrench as she lay there, crippled and useless and unable to do anything. Erebus looked at his ash, and then back at the Lord, who had landed, his face as hard as flint.

"EVERYTHING has a price...Night Lord."

The impact was like a crack of thunder, as Erebus immediately forgot all his pain and suffering and slammed into the Lord, screaming a rage that would freeze hell, the space marine slamming his enemy down and slashing Sine’s body to ribbons. Blood and worse sprayed…and the Lord laughed.

“You idiot.”The Lord said, and immediately stole every single drop of Erebus’ black rage and hate for himself. A darkness he gave back to him with an eruption of force that sent Erebus flying into the air.

“YOU JUST MAKE ME STRONGER!” The Lord yelled, and unleashed a blistering barrage of explosive blasts, Erebus caught in the air by the horrendous explosions, the impacts resonating through his armor, tearing at his muscles and shattering his bones. Even as his body broke, Sine’s own regenerated, and the Lord fired two last blasts and then flew up after Erebus. With another thunderous impact, he kicked Erebus deep into the city, the space marine collapsing several buildings as he landed several miles distant.

Jonesy was trying to get on her knees when the Lord blurred back down. A kick knocked her onto her back. A blast of power knocked away the Nemesis weapon. The Lord clamped down onto Jonesy’s armor and tore the helmet off like it was tissue paper.

“Remember THIS, Jonesy?” The Lord said, manifesting a gun that he jammed under her chin. “I do SO love irony.”

The gunshot rang through the air.

It was joined by many others, as a battered Delmond opened fire on the Lord, knocking him off of Jonesy.

“Never much cared for it mahself.” Delmond said, and popped his clip to reload.

The Lord was faster, as he picked up Jonesy and hurled her directly at her partner. The two collided and smashed into the wreckage behind them, and their forms vanished into the smoke and flames.

The Lord paused, and then turned towards a particular part of the stands. He knew what was there. He wasn’t going to put it off any longer.

“…well look. The lomtick of cal noticed us.” Jaxx said.

“WELL WELL WELL WELL! IF IT ISN'T FAT, STINKING BILLYGOAT BILLY-BOY IN POISON!” The Lord yelled, and made a challenging gesture. “HOW ART THOU, THY GLOBBY BOTTLES OF CHEAP STINKING CHIP-OIL? COME AND GET ONE IN THE YARBLES, IF YOU HAVE ANY YARBLES, YOU EUNICH JELLY THO-!"

The Lord didn’t see the cane shot the second time either. This time, it was Saberus who bashed him from behind. The Lord gestured to retaliate, and then the other three were there, their canes slashing and slamming against the Lord, knocking him around like he was a drunken bum. It was like the Lord’s powers had vanished as soon as the four had decided to pay attention, and time seemed to stretch out into minutes, maybe hours, as they beat him into the ground and then beat him at length while he was still ON the ground.

“You getting it yet? You’re not hot shit. You’re just another shitstain on the underwear of life.” Jaxx said, hefting his bloody cane, he and his others scattering around the Lord. “It’s a lesson both you and that ginger need to learn. Here’s Part 1. YOU ARE NOTHING TO US.”

The four manifestations of a unique soul gestured, and the sun bloomed around the Lord. Sine’s flesh began to burn away, agonizingly slow, as the Lord writhed in the miniature star the gods had birthed, the four of them cutting the rest of the world off from its terrible power…

Which twisted.

And began to darken.

“Oh you are not-!” David said.

The star died around the Lord. Just as it was so rapidly born, it had rapidly died. The Lord was weak to sunlight…but he hadn’t survived as long as he had without learning to endure that. And knowing what some stars eventually became.

“BULLLSHHIIIIIITTTTT! FUCKING TRACCCTOOORRRRR-!” Jaxx yelled, and then he and his fellows were yanked into what their creation had become. The same trick they had pulled to shield the world from the star ensured that the only thing the black hole consumed was them.

The darkness of the black hole collapsed on itself, shrinking down into the Lord’s hands, becoming a tiny dot.

“Do you know what the difference between you and me is?” The Lord said “I gave you full credit. You gave me none.”

The Lord closed his hands together, snuffing the black hole out.

“How’s THAT for a horrorshow?”

The Lord heard the movement behind him. Shadows washed over him, repairing the damage before it surged up and around him, forming a long flowing cloak. Manifesting another sword, a fusion between a rapier and sabre, the Lord turned around.

 The Lord had no words for Antoinette. Not at first. He just surged forward and slashed at the girl, who met the blow with her bat.

“I’ll make you FEEL PAIN.” The young woman hissed.

“Do try.” The Lord said, and the two clashed, weapons violently striking each other.

“Antoinette! A female form of Anthony, often incorrectly linked to the Greek ANTHOS, meaning flower!" The Lord said, rearing back and firing a blast at Antoinette’s feet, the girl rolling away to dodge it. “Cassandra! Actually FROM Greek, means ‘shining upon men’! Two fitting names! You bloomed like a flower here, and you wish to shine and cast me aside! But as the bard said, WHAT’S IN A NAME?”

Antoinette ducked as the Lord slashed out with his sword, carving one of the larger pieces of wreckage in half. Antoinette slipped in and slammed her bat against the Lord’s arm. A loud hissing noise erupted from the wound, and the Lord jerked away, snarling. He tried to kick the young girl, only for Antoinette to hold out the bat and cause the Lord to kick the spikes, making the villain stumble away. Blocking his next slash, Antoinette kicked the Lord in the knee and, when he lost his balance, spun the bat around and cracked the hilt across his face. She knew he had to be weak after all this expended effort, ESPECIALLY after what he’d had to endure from Jaxx! She could do this! She could win!

That was her thought until the Lord punched through a portal and slammed his fist into the back of her head, before backhanding her to the ground.

“Sorry child. But this is reality. The good guys don’t always win.”

The Hard Knuckle and Atomic Fire blew the Lord right off his feet.

“Speak for yourself!” Zephyrus raged, charging forward and firing every weapon he had, Oceanus right at his side. “You aren’t alone, Ms. Antoinette! WE WILL BEAT HIM! WE WILL SAVE SINE!”

“Says you.” The Lord said, leaping backwards and hurling another piece of Stowaway wreckage at the trio. Zephyrus slashed it in half with the Ultima weapon, the two pieces crashing into the ruined stands as Zephyrus went after the Lord. The two clashed all around the arena, swords slashing at each other. Antoinette waited for her moment, watching the Lord’s movement, and when he landed she struck, running up behind him and smashing him in the back. The Lord let out a small yell and turned around…

Zephyrus promptly froze the Lord in place with the Flash Stopper and leapt in.

“GIVE BACK MS. SINE!”

The Ultima Weapon slashed down at the Lord’s chest…

Missing completely as the Lord broke out of the chrono-stasis.

“YOU REALLY THINK I DIDN’T HAVE A COUNTER FOR THAT?” The Lord yelled, and kicked Zephyrus across the arena.

No, but you forgot the ROB. Again.

The Lord screamed as he was barraged by as much electricity as the game console ascendant could still muster. Oceanus then leapt in, spraying the Lord with burning hot steam before impaling his trident into the Lord and running away. The Lord staggered, and then Antoinette ran in and swung.

The spiked bat took the Lord directly in the neck and face. When Antoinette tried to yank the weapon back, it stuck, Antoinette losing her grip on it.

For a moment, the Lord stood there, bat impaled in his face, white light hissing on it.

Then he reached up and yanked the weapon out with a spray of blood that almost immediately closed off. With a gesture, the Lord tossed the bat aside.

“Felt THAT.” The Lord said, and raised a hand.

A tornado sprang into existence literally at the Lord’s feet, pulling him upward and away from Antoinette, his blast going wide as the tornado grew to cover half the arena, picking up pieces of the wreckage and sending them tumbling and crashing through its body. The wind picked up Antoinette as well, but it carefully laid her down nearby, while Oceanus just got in the clear.

Within the tornado, the Lord quickly landed on a piece of the Stowaway’s wreckage, and after a moment Zephyrus landed on another, Ultima Weapon glowing.

“Expecting me to be helpless?” The Lord said.

“See for yourself.” Zephyrus replied, and leapt. Inside the tornado, light and darkness crashed together, blasts of power erupting from within.

Three seconds later the Lord tumbled out, tumbling across the ground before he came to a stop. He tried to get up and then fell to his knees, vomiting out black murk. The shadow loomed over him, and he looked up.

Antoinette swung her bat up and brought it down directly on the Lord’s head. Then on his back, and again on the head, and again, beating him like the proverbial redheaded stepchild. Antoinette was even smart enough to sidestep the splashing blood, as she hit him again, and again, and…

More blackness erupted from the Lord’s mouth, and the shadows faded from Sine’s face. For a moment, her eyes were clear.

“…Antoinette?”

Antoinette froze.

In the next second, the Lord was behind her.

 “Cassandra.” The Lord whispered in her ear, and twisted the blade he’d just rammed through her spine and left lung before yanking it out. The young woman fell at his feet, like a puppet with her strings cut.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Zephyrus screamed. He had been half a second too slow. He’d KNOWN what was going to happen, but he wasn’t in time to shout a warning. He’d failed again. He’d…

“YOU GODDAMN FUCKING BASTARD!!!!!!!!!” Zephyrus roared, his wind crystal shining as bright as a star and his sword becoming as brilliant to match, as he charged.

“I am what you make of me.” The Lord said, and promptly sucked every bit of rage and hate out of Zephyrus. The machine didn’t even have time to realize what had happened before the Lord unleashed the fury he'd felt back at him tenfold in a blast that nearly blew Zephyrus to pieces, incinerating Sine’s cape in the process. The robot master crashed down, tatters of his friend’s clothing fluttering down around him, his systems screaming at him and his brothers crying out within the Ultima blade. A moment later the foot stomped down on him.

“First time for everything.”The Lord said, his hand crackling. “I JUST BEAT AIR MAN.”

…

This time, the Lord saw the ROB. A lashing backhand sent it flying across the arena.

Leaving Oceanus his shot.

“I PREFER THE SECOND!”

GOD FACEPUNCH 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO!

The strike sent the Lord flying back…

As the tendril of darkness lashed out from his hand and seized onto Oceanus, yanking him towards the Lord.

“THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A GOD PUNCHES BACK!”

“No! Nooo…!” Zephyrus agonized, as Oceanus’ shattered, vaporizing remains scattered on the ground around him. Not again. Not after Ms. Antoinette. This couldn’t be happening. How could everything go so wrong…NO! HE WOULD FIGHT! HE WOULD WIN! He would…

Get smashed into the ground by a gravity bomb.

“I WARNED YOU.” The Lord said, as he manifested several roaring spheres of destruction. “You HEROES never listen. You-”

Nightwolf’s dagger impaled into the Lord from the back. The thin green line of energy that trailed back to him immediately burned as bright as the shaman, his ravaged body standing on the symbol he’d drawn with his own blood.

“And you are so blind.” Nightwolf said, and called on his final power. The power of his heritage, the power of a Sin Eater. “If you will not acknowledge your failings, then I shall weigh you down with the failings of others. ALL THE SINS OF THE ONES YOU HAVE WRONGED HERE TODAY!”

“NO!” The Lord yelled, as he grabbed the dagger and tried to yank it out. He couldn’t. Dark chains began to tear up from the ground around him, even as Nightwolf chanted through bloody teeth. “NO! YOU CAN’T! NO!”

“YES!”

“…NO!” The Lord yelled, and grabbed the wire instead. “CONNECTION RUNS BOTH WAYS, SHAMAN! YOU WANT TO BURY ME? BY THEIR STANDARDS? KNOW ME! THEIR SINS ARE MANY, BUT MINE ARE LEGION!”

The dark power of the Lord began arching back through the mystical connection. Nightwolf staggered and braced himself. His chant rose in volume and intensity. If he had been fresh, he would have succeeded.

He was not.

 “…Morality.” The Lord said, as the shaman’s body melted. Cracking his neck again, the Lord turned around.

Zephyrus slashed down with the Ultima Weapon.

The Lord caught it with his bare hand.

The backhand sent Zephyrus flying backwards. Somehow, he managed to end the tumble on his feet. Tears of oil stained his eyes, but he did not back down. He had to, he…

The Lord raised a hand…and then held out two fingers. Then one.

“Time’s up.” The Lord said. “You lose.”

Zephyrus stared in horror. They lost. What…

88 seconds. They’d had 88 seconds. Perhaps, between the efforts of Jaxx, and maybe even a certain ghost, it had seemed like more. And…

“Goodbye, Zephyrus Wily.” The Lord said, as he began to float up. Zephyrus screamed and charged, but the Lord blew him backwards with another shot. It wasn’t very strong, but that didn’t matter. He couldn’t, he couldn’t…!

“Enjoy your life. I did. Your delusion that you could stop me, could ever have stopped me, are a scream. That means hilarious, by the by.” The Lord said. “Enjoy this hell you call heroism…and….and…”

The Lord stopped.

“…what?”

With a gesture, the Lord extinguished the fires still scattered around the arena. With another, the smoke vanished.

Revealing Widow Maker and Gatorsquid. The hybrid had shielded Widow Maker when the Stowaway had crashed, at the cost of considerable pain to himself. It had understood. It was a lot smarter than it looked. It had let Widow Maker work her plan

There was one more thing with them. The Lord’s hourglass.

It had been a great gamble. But Widow Maker knew stories. Knew how the villains thought. And the thought had occurred to her…that if someone like the Lord was going to actually call up an hourglass instead of just stating a unit of time…

Well, he might just be stupid enough to make the hourglass literal. As in, the 88 seconds were only properly ‘passed’ for what the Lord wanted to do, if the last of the sand fell through the literal hourglass he had made.

So Widow Maker had found it…and found she could move it. So she turned it over. Repeatedly. Oops.

“You know Richy…you’re really not all that bright.”

And for the first time, the Lord lost his poise. Black, naked hate became seared onto his features.

“ACCURSED BUG!” The Lord yelled. Widow Maker immediately cloaked herself and flew off…

“Oh no you don’t!”

The black energy arced from the abandoned hourglass and struck Widow Maker, causing her to collapse on the ground. She flailed at her throat, as if she couldn’t breathe.

“You touched my property. I know you now. Know what you are. A modified insect, a Zoofighter. INSECTS DON’T HAVE LUNGS. AND NOW NEITHER DO YOU.”

Widow Maker thrashed, unable to breathe at her size with an insect’s spiracles, dying under the effects of the Lord‘s ’reality curse’. Gatorsquid bellowed in rage, and despite his wounds, surged forward…until the Lord blasted him across the arena.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re NOTHING. Maybe Jaxx could have stopped me, or Shuma-Gorath, but YOU LOT? You are…”

The Lord heard the whistling noise and turned around. It was the last step Erebus had made when he’d clawed his way up the nearest skyscraper and leapt off it. Even without a jetpack, he was still the former head of Raptor company. With another echoing boom, he slammed into the Lord, smashing another crater into the arena.

“TIME TO DIE WHORESPAWN!” Erebus said, and impaled his claws into the Lord’s body. The Lord screamed, but he still had enough juice to slam his hand against Erebus’ armor and blow a hole directly through his chest. It was less a fatal wound as a way to get Erebus off of him, and the Lord floated out, his breathing ragged.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER. Maybe I can’t do what I planned, BUT I CAN DAMN SURE IMPROVISE.” The Lord said. In the distance, the heart of darkness began to beat harder, faster, fiercer. The group didn’t have to be the suffering Widow Maker to realize what that meant.

“DON’T LET HIM RECHARGE!” Erebus roared, and unleashed every one of the Robot Master weapons he had. The Lord tumbled out of the explosion, and Zephyrus hammered him with a tornado. The Lord countered with a chaotic spray of explosive blasts that rocked the arena. Gatorsquid came back to help, but his tree strike was weak and the Lord promptly stole the weapon away with his power, set it on fire, and bashed it over the hybrid’s head. Erebus then blurred over, and the two proceeded to tear through most of what was still standing in the arena before it ended with Erebus seizing onto the Lord and slamming him into the ground…before the Lord teleported away.

Jonesy had dragged herself as close as she could. She’d popped as many stim packs as she could without causing her heart to explode. She still had the Nemesis force weapon. Maybe she couldn’t swing it, but she could THROW IT. She was good enough at darts!

She could end this…!

Erebus pounced on the Lord again, and the two tumbled in a slashing blur before the Lord separated them with an explosion and tried to teleport away again. Zephyrus made his return by latching a Crash Bomb onto the Lord as he vanished, and the nearby exit portal up in the ruined stands abruptly exploded, sending the Lord’s smoking form tumbling through. The ROB flew up, only for the Lord to slam his hands together and send the little robot flying away like a leaf on the gale from the force shockwave.

Eddie’s axe slammed into the Lord’s back and sent him crashing back into the arena. It was damn hard to play a healing riff on your guitar with impaled hands, but Eddie had managed. He was good at his job.

The Lord stood up, and Erebus was there. The two engaged in a slashing barrage before Erebus activated the fusion engine in his arm. The Lord screamed, but he countered with a pulsing blast of force that tore open Erebus’s wound more, hammered into his organics, and sent his helmet flying off as he fell back.

“Nothing! YOU ARE ALL NOTHING! NOTHING!” The Lord yelled. Eddie promptly busted out Light of Dawn as a retort, the bright light burning at the Lord before he slammed Eddie in the chest with another weak blast. Zephyrus flew in again, Ultima Weapon glowing. After the pair traded three slashes, Erebus blurred behind the Lord and impaled his claws through him. The spray of blood from Sine’s body tore at Zephyrus’s heart, but he remained firm, raising the Ultima Weapon, drawing on its power…

The Lord yanked himself forward, messily pulling Erebus’ claws from his body even as he superimposed Erebus’s giant form between the Ultima blade and himself. Zephyrus’s eyes went wide as the sword bit into Erebus’s back, but he had no time for regrets as the Lord fired another pulverizing blast into Erebus, sending both the Warriors of Light in the fite crashing into another piece of wreckage. Or rather, Erebus went crashing into it, as he ended up tossing Zephyrus away in mid-tumble…

And Jonesy threw. The Nemesis Force weapon lanced through the air…

…and was deflected with a backhand, the Lord jerking in agony at the process.

“Not good enough. None of you.” The Lord said. “Time to know the bitters of de-”

And Antoinette rolled her bloody body over and slammed her bat directly into the Lord’s left foot.

“ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH-!” The Lord screamed, the holy energies tearing through his body…

And Zephyrus was there.

The Ultima Weapon shone so brightly when it slashed that the remaining observers were briefly blinded.

The sound that accompanied the slash was like someone had broken the world’s biggest dry twig over their knee.

And Sine collapsed to the ground, the darkness separated from her. Zephyrus had broken the connection. This also fortunately broke the curse on Widow Maker, but Zephyrus had a very good reason not to notice this. He was too busy staring at the thrashing cloud of shadow above her that was starting to drift up and away.

And suddenly, epiphany struck.

“No!” Zephyrus yelled, as his Wind Crystal shone brightly. “I COMMAND ALL WINDS! I CALL UPON THE WINDS OF CHANGE! I CHANGE YOU TO A FORM WE CAN DESTROY! I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR REAL FACE YOU BASTARD!”

Zephyrus slashed the air, and a tornado-like blaze of energy flew from his sword and collided with the shadow. There was another scream…and something fell from it.


…̲̯ͮ͌̊̓ͫI̦̮ͮ̂̿͑ ̲͍ͧͭ̐ͩã̗ͯ̉̊m̞̹͓̥̜̖̦ͮ̑͐̽͑̋̃ ͚͕͔̪̲͈̆̀t̥̭̪̃͋͌ͮͣͅh̻̠̠͍̹̥̓̔̈́ͩ̔͑͌e͉̣͍̩̳̒̾ ̼̙̓ͦ̉ͤ̔̇c̳͓̞̠̼̲ͨ̈ͭrê̘̩͍͙̣̈́a͓̹͔͇͖̦̘͋t̍̌ͥ̈ͭ̔u̫̯̦̭̮ͨ̑̃ͧr̖̹̹͈͈̀̅̂͗̅e̱̦̞͈̺ ̰t̪͙̭̪̤͔̪ͬ̌̓h̼̬̰̬̝ã̰̺͈̥̬̠̿͆̎͋ͦt̹̙̮̩̥̏̓̀ͦ͒͂ ̰̱f͚ͭe͙̪͉ͩͩ̄͆͑̀ͥá̜͔͖̺́̔ͮ̈͛s̼͚̱̦̞̖͌̽̅̌̔͗t͈̒ͣ̍ͤͦ͂͐sͯͬ̔ ̬̝͚͙̥̜̹͆ͨ̄́̒͌ǔ̥̩̹ͬͪ̉ͅp̩̼͙͙̞̱̣̌͆o̥̝ͅñ͍͓̥͆̿ͩ̋ͪ ̞̣̹͕̼̠̥ͪͨḋ͖͎̩̖̱͖̪̄̓ͨͪ͑̚ŕ̿̒e̤̰͖͕ͥȁ̬̩̣͉̙̜̤̆ͨ͐m͎̞͗s̰͈̰͔̠̫̩ͫ̓̾ͫ͑͐͒
͇̈́̉A͓̮͛͂͐̾ͫͮ̈n̹̪͒̄̏͂ͯ̾̿d̞͚̬̀ͦ̽ͅ ̈ͯ̽̇̇ͬt̞̼̆ͣ̅̀͂̚u̞ͪͨ̉r̻̼̞̯̱̪͊n̯̋ͦ̇̎ͨs͙̳̩̺̱͊ͫ ̺̤ͧ̇ͅt̮̼͍̗̃̉̾h͖̤͔̖͔̱ẽ̝̦͖̱̓̓̋͌̌̊m͔̬̈́̏̾̂ͣ ̺̮̈́̎̋͗ͬ̅ͣt̮̱̫̍̆̉̉o̦̔̀͂̔͆͒̄ ̲̞̣̤͔ͨ̇͒n̖̍̃ͨ͌̀̍̽í̺̯̝̦͖̠͒͋̊ͩ̄͂g͚̼͉̭ͧͧ̋h͇̙̳̋̾̅t̑ͦ̑m͙̼̯̳̹̈́̐ä̟̯̣́̊r̰̰̞͇͙̉e̫̺ͦ̄̓̅ͭs̭̹̯̻̞̪̾ͬ
͐Ả̙̞̭͔̈̾ͧ̎̍ͯn̲̮̲ͪ́͌̽̄̎d̗̺̲̞̘̰ ͖̐̿͛ͨ̒͛̾ȁ̼̘̜̥͉̻ͭ̎̓ͭ̒ͩl̘̰͉̘͍̾̒l͙͔͖̺̦͍̮̿̇̽ͤ͑͐ͪ ͉̘͚̈́͒̂͊̋͗t̺̼̼͎̗͋̒̄ḥ͙̮̹̼͒̍i̭̜̥̯͚͉̮̊̀̇n̫̰͂̈́ͤ̓͊͋̅gͣ͋̇s͗ͬ ̟̤͕͇̪̺̓̉ͅo̦ͅb͇͔͚͔͉͙ͭ̌ͬ̀̑͐s̗̟͕͌c̫ͪ̂̓ẻ͓̖̬̱̞̈́̊̿̾͌̚ͅn̪̝̄̉ͣ̀ͫ̆e̹̎̎̍̈̄
͙̙̠ͫ͑ͣŘ̙̫̥͉̯u̦̩̻ͮ͗̐ͩ̊̍ͅe͂̾ ͓͍̻͉̭͇̝͒͗̇̃̽̚y̠͗ò̖̦̹̺̋u͎͉̭r̘̓̍ͯ̓ͧ̈́ ͎͎̦̙̆͂̋͊ͅm̥̺͉̟̰ͅi͉̩͐́̉͂̅ͮ̅s̩͗ͭ̽f̻̱̱o͖̮ͯͭ̊ͣr̞͈͖̫̅͌͌̓͂ͬ̄t̤ͪǘ̜̓͋̅ͫn̲̻̓͂̾̎e̥̪͍̼̻̾ͯͧ̚
̳̠͍̭͔̽̉͊̑̀Lo͉̹̹̼͔͊̏o͈̘̠̠̣͈̔ͨk̦̻ͧͬͪ̎̚ ͔̭͙̫̲̤̇ͨͯͬ̄͑̀m͙͙͓͕͉̞ͤ̇̎ͤ̈́̆ͬe̿̀̓̉ͥ̆͌ ̻͚͆͛i̻̱̓ͨ̃̾̃̄n̜̮̖͕̮̟̰̔̓̉̉ͤ͆̏ ̟̈t̰͉̼͓̰̝ͭͮẖ̯̠̬̹͓ͩ̑́́̃ͦ͋ẻ̹̝͚̥ͅ ͔̳̳̬͙̻͇̋͛e͕̞̫̹͓̦ͨ͒͛ͭy̳͔̟̮̥͎͔e̬̖͎͖̹͚͑͆ͩ̐
̳̺̞̜͓͊͋ͩT͙̓͊h͈̖̲̃e̠̮̖̫̾ͦ͒̒̅̚ ͓̤͗̅̂͂ͭẁ͕̍a̖̮g͚̰͇ͪ̀̂̄͗e̙͔̦͔͇̜̋ ̓̇ͩ̚o͓͋ͩf̖͉̫̯̜̌͗͗̽ ̰̪̳̬̌͛ͧ̓̓ͧ͑m̝̻͖̠ͭͮͭ́̎̔̊y̯̼̝̰̝͔̔ͬ̌̂ ͖̥a̅n̲̗̖͊̓ͥ̒̾g̮̻͆ͫ̄ḛ̄́͋͌̓̐r̬̰̦ͧ́͐͐ ̈͒ͨ̅i͖͖͚͈͋̒͛ͯ̈́ͨs̖̻̳̔ͯͪ͛͋̋ ̇ͪĩ̙̠͚̣͐̒̂̐n̞̻̦̙̰̣̪͒̂̋f͉̹ͯ͒i͓̯͔ͅn͖̭̩͈ͧ̓̆ĭ̖̖̮͖͒̌t̰̟̻͎̫̞e͔͙̜̥̣̩͙ͥ̒̆̋̓ ̙̪̎̍n̟͇̅̃̏i͌̇́͑g̝̜̼̈̈̌́̅͂ͯhͬt̺̬̲͍…͓̆̓ͅͅ

“Well…what were you expecting?” Richard Lore said.

The Lord was human. He looked…normal. In fact, he looked like a thinner, paler version of someone who Erebus and Zephyrus knew all too well. From a trip to another world. They could have been brothers, as the Lord pushed his long black hair aside.

“Some horrid thing from beyond the veil? Some squalling, mewling mess you could just step on? I told you, Zephyrus. Erebus. Antoinette. I AM humanity.” The Lord said. “I am you. You are me. The only difference is…”

The rifle’s erupting voice drowned out the Lord as Delmond promptly emptied a clip into the Lord, blood erupting from his chest.

“Yer dead.” Delmond said, and shot the Lord right between the eyes.

….

And he remained standing.

“WARP CURSE IT!” Erebus yelled, and sprinted over to slash with his claws. The Lord raised his arm, and a shield of black just barely stopped the strike.

“You may have cut away the immediate shadows, but no wind can change WHAT I AM.” The Lord said, and hammered Erebus away with a striking punch before leaping into the sky. The darkness Zephyrus had cut him from settled back on his body, wrapping around him and forming armor, as the Lord turned and flew away, holding out a hand as his hourglass flew from the arena and into his grip. For one single horrible second, Zephyrus thought the Lord was going to flee.

Then he stopped and turned around, and Zephyrus knew this was it. The final moment of truth.

“You refuse to fear the dark. You refuse to fear the truth. You refuse to fear the inevitable.” The Lord said. The hourglass shattered, and with a wave of his hand, the Lord sent the darkness outward.

“ULTIMATE ATTACK: BLACK ABYSS.”

And it grew.

Expanded.

Spawned and tore open. Line after line of horrible mouths opened on the sphere, grasping arms erupting from its dark energy essence, growing and growing and growing until it filled the whole skyline for the bargoers. Zephyrus felt the suction. He saw pieces of the arena begin to break off and fly into the mass to be disintegrated, even as it grew larger and larger and loomed to destroy them all. The bargoers in the crowd found themselves having to grab onto something and hold on, lest they all be destroyed.

“I WILL SHOW YOU FEAR IN A HANDFUL OF DUST.”

The night was coming. It sought to drag down and devour everything. Chew it up, spit it out, and act like it had never meant anything…

…like hell. Standing over Sine’s body, Zephyrus let cold determination slide over his face for the last time. They’d come this far. If they were going down, they were going down fiting.

“And I will show you what I know.” Zephyrus said, as he raised Ultima Weapon. “YOU CAN’T DEFEAT AIR MAN.”

The blade and Wind Crystal blazed light, and then Zephyrus unleashed a tornado and piercing luminescence that intertwined and slammed against the devouring dark. Still the Abyss pushed onward.

“AVE DOMINUS NOX!” Erebus roared, and unleashed all his Robot Master weapons again. His Fire Crystal glowed, and the myriad projectiles became kindred in flame, the blast joining Zephyrus’.

“Pech…won’t fail…” Antoinette coughed through her blood, drawing her emergency laspistol. She had technically only been allowed one weapon, but she doubted anyone would complain, as she opened fire on the Abyss.

Jonesy stared at Erebus. Then she propped herself up against a wall, primed her flamethrowers and promptly did her damnedest to outdo him. Delmond pondered if he should see how much ammo he had left, and then figured it didn’t matter and opened fire as well.

The ROB floated out from behind a piece of rubble, struggling to stay on the ground and summoning the last traces of power it had and directing it into the devouring sphere. Eddie began alternating between Battle Cry and Light Of Dawn so fast he ended up creating a whole new solo.

And Widow Maker…

Was standing on top of the solar rays that a badly wounded but still standing Gatorsquid had yanked from her shattered mech and was holding for her. The ones she had been smart enough to install backup batteries and redundant triggers in.

“STILL STANDING RICHY-BOY!” Widow Maker yelled, and opened fire with her own solar rays. The attacks slammed against the sphere…but yet it came…

Then the portal opened, and a banged up and highly annoyed looking Shuma-Gorath emerged in the arena. Somehow, he managed to look even more irked.

“You call that an all-encroaching doom? And mortals, you call that a defense? A FAIR BIT OF THAT POWER IS YOUR OWN EMOTIONS! Do I have to do EVERYTHING AROUND HERE?” Shuma-Gorath said, and his eyes and tendrils lit up with incomprehensible colors before they flashed out and began slamming into the Abyss. Finally, it stopped.

“No.” The Lord said, thrusting out his hands and putting more pressure on the Abyss. “Make all the last stands you want! YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD!”

The Abyss began to encroach once again, inch by inch. Darkness began tearing into everything. People fled the streets in terror. But the Soldiers of Dawn remained, the bargoers in the crowd cheering them on.

Jonesy felt her armor start to get into the dangerous heating levels. Eddie felt his fingers start to bleed. Darkness began creeping in on Antoinette’s vision. Erebus felt his hearts seize up and threaten to give out between his wounds and his efforts. The Black Abyss began tearing up the ground BENEATH the arena, threatening to pull the whole bar into its maw…

And Zephyrus…

…VROP.

VROP? VROP?

The Lord’s fist smashed into Zephyrus as he appeared next to the Lord and tried to smash him with Antoinette’s bat. The robot tumbled down towards the Abyss, only a last second jump saving him from being drawn in and destroyed. Where the bat went, nobody knew. Zephyrus crashed down next to Sine and Antoinette. He had failed.

So he got right back up and unleashed the shining windstorm again. If he fell down, he would JUST GET BACK UP! Standing with his friends, he warred against the encroaching darkness…

“Soldiers of the Dawn…” The Lord said, black energy arcing from his whole body as he prepared his final push.“Allow me to give you a proper epitaph to your story. The one I was so rudely interrupted in giving before. I’ll skip to the end. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying NOTHI-ARGGGGGGGHHHHHH!”

The Lord stopped his attack and doubled over, grabbing at the organic form Zephyrus had managed to shock him into. The pain…!

And within him…

“Thought I was gone, huh? Thought you scared me away! Fuck you! You lied! You’re not some terrible darkness thing! You’re just a dude in some bad reminiscence costume! I owe you! And guess what? STOMACHS TECHNICALLY HAVE WALLS TOO!”

“WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” The Lord yelled. Down below, the sphere stopped moving. The Soldiers did not relent in their barrage against it. “YOU HAVE NO PART IN THIS! YOU COULD HAVE ESCAPED ALIVE! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTING INVOLVED?!”

“Why not?” The WALL!! Said. “I guess you could say it’s a matter of…

 “VOMIT!!!!”

The Lord screamed, and then literally leaned over and began puking worms as they tore at his insides. Turning his hands within, he began burning at his body with his own power, trying to drive the parasite out.

And beneath him, lacking the Lord’s efforts…the Abyss began to contort. It’s colors began to change, going from devouring black to furious red. Intense gold. Shining green. Noble blue. The powers of the bargoers, with the Lord’s own connection cut to it, began to revert to them.

Part of Zephyrus, who could hear the Lord and the Wall!!, could barely believe it. To the other part…it made perfect sense. The Lord had had the Fate Locus. He had studied them all inside and out. He’d been ready to endure, and counter, everything they had…

But there was always a spanner in the works.

And as the sphere above it completely ceased to be the Black Abyss, Zephyrus began to laugh.

“Haven’t you heard, Richard?” Zephyrus said. “Screams DO come true.”

And the Bargoers dug deep and gave one last final push, and the hand of their will flew backwards the way it came.

“NO!” The Lord yelled, thrusting out a hand and firing a black ray. It struck the light and faded against it. Within him, the Lord could hear the Wall!! laughing. “THIS CAN’T HAPPEN! THIS…YOU…!”

The shining oblivion slammed into the Lord, carrying him backwards. Back towards the Heart.

“Destiny…”

Even as the power reached down into his cells, his DNA, his very atoms…and blinked them out of every plane and phase of existence there was.

“You cannot…destroy…my…DESTINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Then it all crashes down
And you break your crown
And you point your finger but there’s no one around
Just want one thing
Just to play the king
But the castle’s crumbled and you’re left with just a name
Where’s your crown
KING NOTHING?”

It was over.

Zephyrus, as the silence settled down, knelt by Sine, whose eyes blinked open.

"...Ms. Sine?"

"...Do I...know you?" Sine said. Zephyrus had one final moment of utter anguish...and then familiarity came to Sine's face.

"...of course...Zephyrus...my knight in shining armor..." Sine said, as she traced one hand on the robot's face. "...but...really...it should be Ms. COSINE."

Then Sine's hand fell down, and she slipped into a deep sleep. She would wake, later, but damn she needed the rest now.

And after a pause, there was a stirring on some nearby sandstone.

"Hah! Asshole tried to take me with him, but he FAILED! So! This is worth a free drink or two, right?"

And...

“What? The blast just threw Gezora high into the sky! Yes, Gezora always swallows a parachute in its size every day in case of emergency! That is just how Gezora rolls!”

THE BAR WINS.

SINE SURVIVES.

And THE WINNER, AND INSTIGATOR OF THE KO,
THE WALL!!

And to all a good night.