Each person has already performed an entry song to earn the crowd’s votes and will now be performing a second song to earn the favor of our four judges. Our judges will rate the performance as either good or bad, and based on the score the performer will be sorted into one of four tiers. All ties within the tiers will be sorted out at the end when the final rankings are given.
But who are the four judges? Well, it is my honor to introduce the four judges for the King of Beats contest! Our first judge is a very good friend of mine and a woman with a wit sharper than Teddy Krueger’s claws. Say hello to Sophia Petrillo!”
a perfect place for us
That together we would learn to be
the best that we could be
In my naivety I ran
I fell and lost my way
Somehow I always end up falling over me
And one day
I woke to find
The future had no place
for me
I was unwanted in a world
that with my hands I helped build
Where once was honesty and pride
I now stand broken and alone
Just a shadow
of what I was meant to be
Erebus’s eyes begin to water as his playing grows more passionate. His hair whips into his face, obscuring it and bobbing with each press of the piano’s keys. His voice grows stronger and louder.
Does anybody feel
the way I do?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you hearing me?
I believe in you
Will you believe in me?
Or am I alone
in this hall of dreams?
I believe in you
You believe in me
But I have no trust
in anything
Somehow I'm always
always falling over me
For a brief moment, Erebus is silent as the supporting orchestra plays. His face is invisible behind his hair. Before he begins playing again, he pulls it aside, revealing his face, now tinged with both sadness and strength.
They say that "Time will heal"
"The truth shall set us free"
Well that depends
on what it is
that you choose to believe
In this prison made of lies
We see what it is we want to see
And find comfort in this
broken hall of dreams
Does anybody feel
the way I do?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you hearing me?
I believe in you
Will you believe in me?
Or am I alone
in this hall of dreams?
I believe in you
You believe in me
But I have no trust
in anything
Somehow I'm always
always falling over me
Somehow I'm always
I'm always falling over me
When the song ends, Erebus’s hair masks his face again until the blue light fades into darkness. After the crowd finishes cheering, Erebus is on stage next to Rose in normal lighting, awaiting the verdict of the four judges.
SOPHIA: “Kid, that was a heartwarming performance and all, but I just don’t think you had the voice for it. Your voice is fit for deeper songs and this one did not compliment your vocal range. I loved the passion, but hated the sound. I can’t give my approval to this song.”
QUINCY: “I hate to agree with her, but she’s right. If you were to sing this song again, you’d need to alter it to fit your vocal range. You put a lot of heart into playing that piano, but without a proper voice to lift this song up, you end up falling over yourself.”
GEZORA: “Gezora is not one to recognize heartwarming things unless it is a heart warming up Gezora’s belly. Gezora heard a bunch of noise come from Erebus’s throat, but the music Gezora loves did not come out with it.”
MAC TONIGHT: “Clearly, my fellow judges don’t recognize the most necessary quality of a song, and that is the soul. Anyone can churn that song out, but if they don’t feel it, it might as well be an automatic piano playing it. Erebus, you have the heart, and this song has my vote.”
Rose turns to Erebus, who is much sadder after hearing the judge’s scathing words. “Don’t worry honey, I thought it was a lovely performance. But with only 1 of the 4 judges approval, you are unfortunately in the lowest tier of our performers. Maybe you should get a vocal coach next time before trying to sing such a soft song?”
Erebus thanks Rose and the judges, giving a special nod to Mac before he walks off stage. Jonesy is there to greet him, quickly reassuring him that she found it beautiful. Erebus smiles as the stage is set for the next performer.
The stage is this time completely dark except for a single spotlight in the middle. Out of the darkness steps a figure holding a guitar. When he reaches the spotlight, he says,
“Hello, I’m Jaxx.”
I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
Jaxx begins playing stronger, his face betraying the deeper meaning he found in the song’s lyrics. With each strum of the guitar, the darkness around him seemed to waver, both imprisoning him and embracing him.
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
As the song dies down to a slower tempo once more, wisps of images appear in the darkness. Old memories of Jaxx’s long and troubled life flit by, some barely recognizable, others almost impossible to miss.
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
As the song kicks up the tempo again, the images in the darkness become clear, fallen friends' faces, sins committed, Jaxx’s thoughts on display for the world to see.
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
The images disappear in a haze of smoke, as does the darkness surrounding Jaxx. He looked up towards the judges, who briefly gawked at him after the display of his thoughts and emotions.
SOPHIA: “It would be hard to tell you that the song didn’t match you perfectly, but what I can tell you is that no matter how much a song matches you, that doesn’t necessarily make it good. I can see you know the pain in the song’s lyrics, but my eardrums are in pain from your so-so performance.”
QUINCY: “People like authenticity in their music, and I can see why. You lived that song, and through living it you learned how to deliver it the way it needed to be. A song about being hurt can’t just be sung by some five year old with no care in the world, it needs someone who can sell it, and Jaxx, you sold it.”
GEZORA: “Gezora finds itself agreeing with Quincy. Gezora has hurt so many people by digesting them, but if they had sung this song, Gezora might have actually regretted eating them. Jaxx, if Gezora ate you, it would regret it. Gezora gives your song its seal of approval.”
MAC TONIGHT: “I know I just got finished talking about the soul behind the music, but I didn’t feel it this time. I know you’ve been hurt in your life, but I feel more like you performed this song because it was expected of you. We can all perform a song that matches us, but when we start performing it to fit the mold, we fail to break it. Every good song breaks the mold, and Jaxx, you are still struggling inside of it.”
Jaxx angrily grimaces at the two negatively voting judges before he spits on the stage and walks off. Rose calls after him, “2 out of 4 is not that bad!” but Jaxx continues his march away from the stage. Jaxx is placed in the third tier of the tournament, one above our previous competitor. On stage, things shuffle about, and some special lighting is brought out. The provided accompaniment is swapped out for the personal band of the next competitor. Five mantises with various instruments wait in the pit as the next competitor steps on stage…
Special lights are wheeled out around the stage. These Super Troupers point towards the middle of the stage, revealing the tiny young white mage Sarah. She briefly covers her eyes as they adjust to the new light as the Five Mantis Band readies to play. She quickly waves to the crowd and the judges, clears her throat with a little squeak, and begins to sing.
But I won't feel blue
Like I always do
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
Sarah begins to rock back and forth as her three sisters step out and begin to provide the back-up vocals.
I was sick and tired of everything
When I called you last night from Glasgow
All I do is eat and sleep and sing
Wishing every show was the last show
(Wishing every show was the last show)
So imagine I was glad to hear you're coming
(Glad to hear you're coming)
Suddenly I feel all right
(And suddenly it's gonna be)
And it's gonna be so different
When I'm on the stage tonight
Tonight the
Super Trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
Sarah points at Alex the Janitor, who was indeed somewhere in the crowd. She gives a big grin as the janitor begins to blush, but she wasn’t finished yet. After the brief instrumental break, she begins singing again.
Facing twenty thousand of your friends
How can anyone be so lonely
Part of a success that never ends
Still I'm thinking about you only
(Still I'm thinking about you only)
There are moments when I think I'm going crazy
(Think I'm going crazy)
But it's gonna be alright
(You'll soon be changing everything)
Everything will be so different
When I'm on the stage tonight
Tonight the
Super Trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
So I'll be there when you arrive
The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive
And when you take me in your arms
And hold me tight
I know it's gonna mean so much tonight
Tonight the
Super Trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
With the end of the song comes a spray of white magic from Sarah and her sister’s hands. The crowd roars its approval, and Alex claps especially hard for the young woman. He is still red from the song’s direction at him, but he nonetheless loved the performance. But what do the judges think?
SOPHIA: “You probably all will hate me for saying this, but this song was not super. The bubbly song and its direction towards the blonde boy in the crowd were adorable, but the underlying sadness to the song’s message feels completely ignored. I hate it when a song’s message is lost to the rhythm, and I’m not going to give in to lollipop and gumdrop music. This gets a big no from me.
QUINCY: “Two words, kid: That was amazing! When young people get up and sing, it is quite often annoying and only palatable by the demographic referred to disgustingly as tweens. This song though shone through like the bright titular lights and proved to this record producer that not every kid should be dismissed right out of the gate. Good job, Sarah.”
GEZORA: “Gezora’s only problem with this song is that it ended. Such an adorable display gives Gezora the desire to eat sweets, and anything that Gezora can associate with food is good in its book.”
MAC TONIGHT: “Absolutely stellar show Sarah. This musician enjoyed every bit of the performance, and you really put your own personal touch on Abba’s song. Sometimes a cover can be better than the original, and I’d dare to say that about this song.”
Sarah begins to jump up and down, happy to have secured a spot on tier 2 thanks to the support of three of the four judges. Sarah’s sisters all congratulate her as they leave the stage, clearing it so that a group of cats with instruments can step on stage and begin tuning for the next performance.
Once the Felyne’s have their instruments ready, the armored monster hunter Ilsaria steps on stage and waves to everyone. Raising the mic to her mouth, she says,
“This one goes out to the fellow in the red balaclava! That means you Red.”
With a quick countdown to indicate to her band its time, she begins to sing.
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
I'll wear those shoes and you will wear that dress.
The crowd laughs a bit and Red turns red beneath his mask. Clearly the lyrics weren’t adjusted from their original form to reflect the gender differences. The Felyne’s kick the music up as Ilsaria moves on to the next part of the song.
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
With a quick point to Red and wink, Ilsaria begins to dance about as she continues her song.
Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
Kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
So kiss me
So kiss me
So kiss me
At the end of the song, she blows a quick kiss to RedSpy, who by now has been crushed by the embarrassment of being told to bring a dress and flowered hat. Ilsaria laughed and the Felyne’s left the stage as the judges prepared to give their verdicts.
SOPHIA: “I was beginning to wonder if anyone would sing a good song! This girl knows how to have fun with her music, and she made it pretty damn funny too! I know I’m not the only one waiting to see that spy in a dress and flowery hat now. The song was great, the girl was fun, and this one definitely gets a vote from me.”
QUINCY: “Covering a cover is risky business, but Ilsaria pulled it off without a flaw. This girl knows the genre she is good at and pulled out the stops to make it sound amazing. Quincy Jones knows when he hears good music, and Quincy Jones just heard some. You’ve got my vote, sister.”
GEZORA: “Gezora is disappointed to hear its fellow judges be so poor in taste. This song was sung by a girl with reckless disregard for the lyrical indication of gender. Simple alteration of pronouns would have fixed it, but such lazy preparation and a gimmicky and flirty performance is not enough to earn Gezora’s favor. Gezora refuses to be sucked in by songs that cater to perverse desires like ‘kissing’.”
MAC TONIGHT: “ You sure know how to work a song girl. The most important part of music is doing what you want and enjoying it, not caring what others think. It’s even better if others do think well of it though. Here we have that perfect combination of a person enjoying the song and us enjoying it with them. Ilsaria, I give you two thumbs way up!”
Ilsaria bows as the crowd gives another round of applause. She greets Sarah as she gets off the stage, the two celebrating that they had placed in the same spot, both having earned a 3 out of 4. The next performance is prepared for, but it appears that preparation isn’t quite that hard. Someone goes on stage and places a tiny object down before scrambling off.
The tiny object on the stage opens up and reveals a hologram of Sine holding a banjo. She waves a bit, but since it is prerecorded she doesn’t start on any signal. She just introduces herself and gets right to playing her song.
Little Bennie had a cat that they wouldn't let him keep
So he put her up for sale at a price he thought was cheap
He took her to a neighbor to ask him for advice
He said, "Leave the kitty here. She’ll help me with the mice.”
But the cat came back, she wouldn't stay away
She was sitting on the porch the very next day
The cat came back, she didn't want to roam
The very next day it was Home, Sweet Home.
Sine pulls out a toy car for the next part, placing the cat in it at the appropriate moment.
Then Bennie met a man who was driving way out West
He would take the cat along as a special honored guest
The steering wheel was wobbly, he drove into a tree
The car was just a total wreck as anyone could see
But the cat came back, she wouldn't stay away
She was sitting on the porch the very next day
The cat came back, she didn't want to roam
The very next day it was Home, Sweet Home.
For the next part, Sine pulled out a tiny cannon and loaded the stuffed cat into it.
So Bennie bought a gun from the Human Cannonball
He put the cat inside with Tri-Nitro Toluol
When he pulled the trigger, the cannon made a roar
The neighbors all surrendered 'cause they thought it was a war
After being launched from the cannon, the tiny stuffed cat comes parachuting back in.
But the cat came back, she wouldn't stay away
She was sitting on the porch the very next day
The cat came back, she didn't want to roam
The very next day it was Home, Sweet Home.
Now, Sine pulled out a tiny bomb!
Then Bennie gave the cat to a man who had a bomb
When he took the cat away, she was acting cool and calm
And then the bomb exploded, it made an awful sound
They searched and searched for ages but the man was never found
Sine asks the entire crowd to join in and sing along for the next part.
But the cat came back, she wouldn't stay away
She was sitting on the porch the very next day
The cat came back, she didn't want to roam
The very next day it was Home, Sweet Home.
The laughing audience applauds Sine as the hologram gives a bow before fading away. The judges are discussing amongst each other before they begin to talk.
SOPHIA: “Sine’s performance was another fun one, and hopefully this is the beginning of a trend. The red-haired girl chose an enjoyable song and gave an enjoyable show, and this chick is definitely getting my vote!”
QUINCY: “I briefly considered disqualifying her for not performing live since it is technically a breach of the rules, but given the circumstances, I realized I didn’t need to, her performance failed to impress me even though it was prerecorded! Humor music is a difficult art, and it is not very easy to perform. Honestly, this didn’t make me laugh at all, and the singing was subpar. If you wanted my vote Sine, you should have picked a serious song.”
GEZORA: “Gezora fails to understand the humor of a cat returning home. Gezora did however like the little stuffed cat performance, but it understands that it is not here to rate the performance of a stuffed cat. Sine’s singing is not bad, but singing this song did nothing for her. Gezora did not like the song, but it will gladly take the cat off her hands whenever she returns.”
MAC TONIGHT: “This song was supposed to be funny, but I found myself waiting for a good punchline and being disappointed by the end. As soon as the cat returned the first time, I knew it was not ever leaving. Sine, this song did not compliment that voice of yours, and your focus on lyrics here brought your voice down. You may be one cool cat, but I’m not cool with this song about a cat.”
There was no one on stage to be disappointed to hear Sine got a 1 out of 4, but Rose was clearly sad to hear another bad verdict from the judges. Rose liked the song, it was cute! But she wasn’t a judge, just the host. Rose goes to get the next competitor.
Starscream walks on to the stage. “GREETINGS, I WILL NOW PERFORM A SONG AND WIN THIS COMPETITION!”
Starcream begins to sing, placing his hands on his hips and doing the appropriate dance for his song of choice.
You can burn my clothes when I'm gone
Or you can tell your friends just what a fool I've been
And laugh and joke about me on the phone
You can tell my arms to go back onto the phone
You can tell my feet to hit the floor
Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips
They won't be reaching out for you no more
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo
The crowd is in an uproar, laughing and making fun of Starscream as he continues to dance and sing Billy Ray Cyrus’s silliest hit song. Starscream grimaces, but the face of a Transformer has very little difference between expressions, so no one really notices.
You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas
Or you can tell your dog to bite my leg
Or tell your brother Cliff who's fist can tell my lips
He never really liked me anyway
Oh tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please
Myself already knows that I'm okay
Oh you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind
It might be walking out on me today
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo
Although the crowd was still laughing, their jeers had turned into cheers as they got more and more into the Decepticon’s silly song and dance routine.
But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo
Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo
Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man
Ooo
The crowd roars its approval as Starscream shouts at them, rambling on about how he knew he would do so well and how they obviously loved his performance. The judges stop laughing and begin to give their ratings.
SOPHIA: “ I was skeptical when I saw a giant robot get on stage. I thought I’d hear some terrible robotic voice try to sing a song well. Instead, I got treated to the perfect mix of quality and hilarity. It wasn’t a song that I’d listen to on the merits of its lyrics or Starscream’s performance alone, but the two mixed together made the perfect song that I don’t think I could ever get tired of. You have my vote you crazy robot!”
QUINCY: “That… was… amazing! Somehow, Starscream has found the perfect way to mesh humor and music, the lack of which I docked Sine for in the last performance. Starscream came up here and dared to sing a song we didn’t see coming, and he came out with my vote and perhaps even a future record deal!”
GEZORA: “Gezora understands Starscream. It knows that it is not easy to be big and scary but still have the muse of music bugging you to sing. Gezora wishes it had the chance to show its singing ability for all, and Starscream has inspired it. Starscream, you are inspiration to us all.”
MAC TONIGHT: “I don’t know how you did it Starscream, but you made a song that all four of us enjoyed! I could heap more praises on you, but modesty is key in the music world, and you already seem to have a big enough ego. I’ll just give you my vote and move on with the contest.”
The audience applauds as Starscream earns the first perfect score of 4 out of 4. He screams something about it being obvious that he would win and so on, preemptively claiming to be the King of Beats, but he is pushed off the stage by our next competitor, who pulls out a guitar and gets ready to play.
The man who pushed Starscream off the stage stepped up to a microphone stand.
“Hello, I’m Delmond Taggar.”
My daddy left home when I was three
And he didn't leave much to ma and me
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me "Sue."
The crowd laughs and hollers, happy to hear another Johnny Cash hit.
Well, he must o' thought that is quite a joke
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk,
It seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue."
Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My fist got hard and my wits got keen,
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars
And kill that man who gave me that awful name.
Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town and my throat was dry,
I thought I'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me "Sue."
Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: "My name is 'Sue!' How do you do!
Now you're gonna die!!"
The Deleter kicked down the mic stand dramatically, making sure to pull the mic off before doing so.
Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair right across his teeth
And we crashed through the wall and into the street
Kicking and a' gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer.
I tell ya, I've fought tougher men
But I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his gun and I pulled mine first,
He stood there lookin' at me and I saw him smile.
And he said: "Son, this world is rough
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's the name that helped to make you strong."
He said: "Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you "Sue.'"
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him…
Bill or George! Anything damn thing but Sue! I still hate that name!
Deleter ends his performance with a flourish, stomping down during the end and accidentally denting the stage a bit. The audience laughs and hollers, impressed by the Terran’s ability to capture the song’s essence. The judges begin to speak:
SOPHIA: “ My oh my, it’s raining quality in here! A Boy Named Sue is an easy song to sing, but difficult to capture believably, especially when you go and introduce yourself before singing. But the Deleter here has replicated what made Cash’s song so good and added his own bit of Space Texan style to it. Bravo, Delmond!”
QUINCY: “ This was a pleasant surprise. I did not know what to expect from the space marine, but this classic really utilizes both his attitude and humor to give us a performance worthy of getting my vote.”
GEZORA: “Gezora finds the tale Deleter told to be unbelievable, but Gezora understands its fictional roots and can appreciate a good story. The Deleter is a proper storyteller, and his ability to tell the story of a homo sapien designated Sue was enjoyable to listen to.”
MAC TONIGHT: “The best part of being the last judge to give the verdict is the pleasure of telling the singer they just got a perfect score. Delmond, you would fit right in amongst the greats of country music and rock, and even though those aren’t my favorite genres of music, I couldn’t help but enjoy your rendition of this Johnny Cash classic.”
The Deleter grins and waves to the crowd as it erupts into another wave of applause. Rose gives Deleter a hug as he gets off the stage and taunts Starscream. The two are both in the 1st tier and thus possible champions, but we’re only half done! Up next, a group of Felynes once again get on stage, but this time they were backing up a competitor with a very different sound.
The Felynes get set up in the darkness. There is no introduction, the contestant can’t even be seen yet. When the music kicks in, the Felynes are revealed one by one by spotlights as their instruments come in. When the lyrics show up, Chamberlyne’s spotlight finally comes on.
To treat me like you do
When you've laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are
I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now how do I feel
Those who came before me
Lived through their vocations
From the past until completion
They will turn away no more
And I still find it so hard
To say what I need to say
But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me
Just how I should feel today
It was hard to tell with the big hat obscuring his face, but he appeared to be looking directly at Ilsaria. The Felynes were all doing the same dance, stepping one foot forward and then back. It was all very weird and obviously something the kids were into these days.
I see a ship in the harbor
I can and shall obey
But if it wasn't for your misfortunes
I'd be a heavenly person today
And I thought I was mistaken
And I thought I heard you speak
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now how should I feel
Now I stand here waiting
The background Felynes kick in with weird voices to make the odd “gitta” noises at this point.
I thought I told you to leave me
While I walked down to the beach
Tell me how does it feel
When your heart grows cold
The Felynes continue rocking out on their electric instruments until the end of the song. Chamberlyne takes his hat off and bows to the applause. Time to ask the judges what they thought!
SOPHIA: “I may be an old lady, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like New Wave! This song was a nice surprise amidst the guitar heavy performances we’ve seen so far. You dared to try something new, and it paid off with me giving you my vote.”
QUINCY: “When something is fresh, it’s always good, and this song was incredibly fresh! Chamberlyne, you overcame the obstacles of playing an instrument without proper fingers and showed us that cats can be musicians. If you are ever looking to get into the business of making music, you’d have no problem finding a record company to support you for the 5 or so years this style remains relevant. Good job!”
GEZORA: “Gezora is reminded of the ocean when it hears this New Wave music. Gezora is also reminded of good music it has heard before, but Gezora cannot claim to be reminded of good music sung by a cat. Gezora gives you its vote and hopes to hear more competitors dare to try interesting genres like this Felyne did.”
MAC TONIGHT: “I can’t believe what I just heard, but not in a good way. It sounded like someone’s TV was on the fritz and some cats were meowing from the pain the sound caused! This New Wave music you all sang made me wish it was Old Wave, so I could wave you out the door and not hear it anymore!”
Chamberlyne is grateful to have earned a 3 out of 4 vote. He did much better than he had expected, and he even tied with Ilsaria! He hoped when the tiers were sorted out later that he would somehow be able to come out on top of his tier. The cats scramble off the stage as the next competitor sets up. They had a feeling it was about to get very loud…
A giant man sets up a drumkit on stage. A man with sunglasses begins to tune his bass. A ninja tries to get comfortable holding his guitar. A roadie stands comfortably, ready to compete.
Hero of the night
Blood and thunder
Rushing through me
Till the dawn of light
The sky is turning red
Like a renegade
All alone I walk through fire
Till I crash and blaze
I'm living on the edge
Start a chain reaction
Sears the neon light
Stealing all the action
Always takes the fight
Leather Rebel
Lightning in the dark
Leather Rebel
With a burning heart
Eddie’s guitar forms amazing pyrotechnics as Rain provides purple lightning to add to the shear epicness of the performance.
Master of the streets
Bullet proof and bound for glory
Cities at my feet
I'm turning on the power
Running wild and free
No-one dares to stand before me
That's my destiny
To rule the darkest hours
I can see my future
Writings on the wall
Legend in my lifetime
Stories will recall
Leather Rebel
Lightning in the dark
Leather Rebel
With a burning heart
Rain pulls off his mask and the entire group begins headbanging furiously as they play through the instrument solos.
I can see my future
Writings on the wall
Legend in my lifetime
Stories will recall
Leather Rebel
Lightning in the dark
Leather Rebel
With a burning heart
Leather Rebel
Leather Rebel
Leather Rebel
Leather Rebel
Rain begins smashing his guitar in a cliché way until the others stop him, telling him he was wrecking valuable equipment. Eddie gives him a hard slap as the judges begin to weigh in on the performance.
SOPHIA: “You almost gave me a heart attack with that amazing show! A person who can commit to both quality of performance and presentation clearly has a passion for what he does, and I really did not expect any less from you Eddie. You have my support, and my number if you want to visit me after the show.”
QUINCY: “I guess somebody had to do it. Somebody had to bring this trashy style of music to the competition so I could shoot it down with barbed words. The performance, the music itself, it’s all so wild and without proper thought or care put into it. I could stub my toe and sing this song by accident.”
GEZORA: “Gezora lacks the ability to properly put up the horns, but it intensely desires to do so after that performance. You rocked this town, and it has probably been turned inside out by your rocking. You have Gezora’s vote.”
MAC TONIGHT: “I have no idea what I just heard, but it would be impossible for me to speak badly of it. That song blew me away to a world of intense awesomeness, and even though I am in a bit of a daze from your performance, I know it deserves my vote.”
Eddie and the crew glare at Quincy and flinch at his disrespect to their music, but the 3 out of 4 satisfies them. “We clearly would have won if such a prude was not a judge!” Eddie roars at Quincy. The crew clear the stage, and the stage goes completely dark. The next competitor doesn’t like much light where he lurks…
Out of the darkness, a face becomes apparent, but it is just the face of our next competitor. Walter is standing on the stage. For a while, he is completely silent, letting the audience die down to silence as well. Soon, his entire figure is revealed and he begins to sing a Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see,
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little
low,
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to
me, to
me
Suddenly, in the darkness, the door to Room 302 appears. Walter begins singing directly at it instead of the audience.
MAMA I just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger,
now he's
dead
MAMA, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooh ooh oooh ohh.., Didn't mean to make
you cry,
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all
the time
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooh, I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all
The door of the Room is replaced by two other figures.
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the
Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening
me
(Galileo) Galileo!! (Galileo) Galileo!!, Galileo!!
figaro!!
Magnifico I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves
me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh mama mia!!!, mama mia) Mama mia, let me go
Beelzebub!.. has a devil put aside for me, for me,
for me
With the last long "me", the three line up and spread their arms in a dramatic gesture.
So you think you can stone me and spit in my
eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to
die
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta
here
Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the wind blows…
Walter finishes, and the lights remain off, but he is completely visible now. He awaits the judge’s words with an unflinching stare.
SOPHIA “That song was just too wild and all over the place. You look like a very dark and broody man, and this song wasn't that dark, it was too fun and wild that it seemed a bit out of place from you. This would not be a problem if you had delivered it well, but this musical package is one I’d like returned to sender.”
QUINCY: “Why did you choose this song? I don’t think this song will ever become popular, unless of course some excellent dudes who enjoy party time popularize it in the 90s. Walter, you are a surprisingly amazing singer, but you keep picking songs that don’t show it. The high parts kill you friend. Sorry, you don’t get my vote.”
GEZORA: “Gezora thoroughly enjoyed every minute of your performance. You are a difficult man to understand, and no other song would match you as well as one that is also hard to understand. Gezora also likes the mention of killing! It misses conventional fites. You sang well Walter, and Gezora congratulates you for it.”
MAC TONIGHT: “That was very groovy my friend, and the song was a delight to listen to and to watch you sing. You have my vote, and a spot on a list of brave singers. Good job capturing such a hard to sing song.”
Walter bows to the judges and disappears into the darkness. It was like he was never there at all, which can’t be said about our next competitor who also enters under the cover of darkness…
Out of the darkness, five figures appear…
Drums materialize in front of Gwydion, Rend and Regulus pull their guitars in front of them, Crescendo pulls out the bass, and the Lord, well he doesn’t need a microphone to project his voice.
“PREPARE TO TASTE OUR MUSICAL MIGHT!”
The darkness swirls around them as they begin to play.
My life suffocates
Planting the seeds of hate
I've loved, turned to hate
Trapped far beyond my fate
I give, you take this life that I forsake
Been cheated of my youth
You turned this lie to truth
Anger, misery
You'll suffer unto me
Harvester of sorrow
Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow
Pure black, looking clear
My work is done soon here
Try getting back to me
Get back which used to be
Drink up, shoot in
Let the beatings begin
Distributor of pain
Your loss becomes my gain
In the darkness around them, images of civilizations falling appear.
Anger, misery
You'll suffer unto me
Harvester of sorrow
Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow
All have said their prayers
Invade their nightmares
To see into my eyes
You'll find where murder lies
Infanticide
Harvester of sorrow
Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow
Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow
Harvester of sorrow
Harvester of sorrow
Harvester of sorrow
Harvester of sorrow
Harvester of sorrow
With the final note of the song, a giant blast of energy floors the entire crowd. Some people were booing, but quite a lot were cheering. Just because they were evil does not mean they were bad at music.
SOPHIA: “I’ve never been one for Metallica, and this song felt like a long drawn out affair. You were flashy and all, destroying stuff and knocking us over, but this song doesn’t even make me budge. It’s slow, and you failed to give it any actual oomph."
QUINCY: “It is hard for me to believe someone chose this song as an entry. It was like watching a rehearsal session; just a bunch of instruments taking forever to play right. You guys did not play right. Maybe you shouldn’t put so much anger into your playing, it just drowns out the little quality you might have had."
GEZORA: “Gezora liked it. It was dark and strong and it obviously meshed with its performers well. Gezora would like you to know that it gives this song and its singers its vote, and if you have a problem with that, Gezora is getting rather hungry, so come say it to Gezora’s face.”
MAC TONIGHT: “Quincy captured my opinion perfectly. It felt like I was listening to the beginning of the song the whole time. You guys never kicked in to the level where this song might have sounded good. I just want to move on to the next song and forget this one ever being played.”
The Lord stares daggers at the judges, but he does care to thank Gezora before he and Genocide disappear in a haze of darkness. The crowd is still getting their bearings when suddenly the lights turn… purple.
The purple lights remain on a while, and soon Rose calls out, “Mr. Saberwulf? Will you be performing?”
“It’s Saberrain now!”
“Will you be performing, Saberrain?”
“Don’t call me Saberrain either… call me…”
A giant banner spills down, revealing a strange symbol.
“Of course! I would not dare deny the people the glory of my presence!
The artist formerly known as Saberrain comes down from the ceiling in a waterfall and immediately begins to sing in a voice similar to Rain’s, creepily pointing at and gesticulating at Ilsaria the whole time.
I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted one time to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain
Sprinklers begin to pour purple water on the crowd as the artist formerly known as Saberrain showers himself in a hefty bucket full off purple fluid.
I never wanted to be your weekend lover
I only wanted to be some kind of friend, hey
Baby, I could never steal you from another
It's such a shame our friendship had to end
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain
Hoses in the performer’s sleeves begin spraying even more water everywhere.
It's time we all reach out for something new, that means you too
You say you want a leader, but you can't seem to make up your mind
And I think you better close it and let me guide you to the purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
If you know what I'm singin' about up here, come on raise your hand
Purple rain, purple rain
I only want to see you, only want to see you in the purple rain
At the songs end, the artist formerly known as Saberrain is laying down in the water splashing over and over. The audience and judges are soaked. The judges dry off a bit before saying their rating for the odd performance.
SOPHIA: “I don’t think I’ll bother saying that new name of yours, but what I will say is that a person who can take a parody to this level and still pull off a song without sounding terrible deserves tons of credit and my vote. Just wish you hadn’t soaked everyone…”
QUINCY: “I wore my best suit too! It’s alright though, I have many best suits, because I consistently produce the best music. However, this song was not the best, it was not even good. Your attempts at parodying Rain dragged your vocal quality down. Use your normal singing voice next time, and maybe you might earn my vote.”
GEZORA: “Gezora would like to thank you for showering it in colored water, but it cannot thank you for singing that song. Your voice cracked like a whip as it struggled to both sing well and be the water ninja’s voice. Maybe next time you should not tax yourself so heavily with added weight in a contest.”
MAC TONIGHT: “Great show, artist who was formerly… Great show you! Your devotion to the parody really opened up the floodgates to a wave of amazing quality. I could make water-based puns praising you all night, but I think you will be happy with just my vote.”
“How dare you dock such a royal Prince any points whatsoever! You clearly have no taste in music, because I am clearly the greatest at everything I do except date, bathe, fight, cook…” The artist formerly known as Sabberain continues on until our last competitor nudges him off the stage.
Zephyrus makes sure to blow the stage dry with his large fan before singing. The stage was severely dented and dirty by this point, but he found the setting rather fitting for the song he was going to sing.
“I have prepared my own song tonight. I hope you all enjoy it, because it means a lot to me…”
Zephyrus begins to sing the only original song in the contest.
No matter what, I still remember
That one fateful day.
The day when that psychotic doctor
Took you all away.
It feels like so long ago
But also feels so close.
Since you all have left my side
I’ve just felt so morose.
The day your flames extinguished
The day your wood did burn.
The day your metal rusted
You never will return.
Without you, though, I remain strong
Just as you would have done.
I aid the weak and fight the wrong
To protect everyone.
No matter how dark things will seem
I’ll never give up hope.
You inspire me to stay strong
Rather than quit and mope.
The day your speed had ended
The day your flashing stopped.
The day your bombs went quiet
The day my hopes had dropped.
Through suffering, pain, and strife
I know this to be true:
I have a new chance at life
A life I’ll live for you.
Gone but not forgotten,
Though now we are apart.
Gone but not forgotten
You’ll live on in my heart.
Some people in the crowd are crying, some are just cheering. A quick look at the judges betray the fact some of them were also crying, but they quickly regained their composition so they may fairly judge this robot’s original song.
SOPHIA: “We’ve all thrown around the phrase ‘singing from the heart’ tonight, but right here we saw a robot sing without even having a heart, and it was probably the most emotional song of the night. Zephyrus, you shouldn’t even have to ask to know you just won this old lady’s vote.”
QUINCY: “A song that can only be sung by one person gives this song a unique feel and style. You can say a song is unique, but many are vague enough to fit other people’s situations as well. You came out and sang something you dared to write yourself, and I dare you to never change. Keep singing brother, because you just earned Quincy Jones’s last positive vote.”
GEZORA: “Gezora does not like crying, but it made an exception to cry for this song. Beautiful words and a dedication to those have passed make this a meaningful song, and you sang it well enough to earn this cuttlefish’s vote.”
MAC TONIGHT: “Zephyrus, I don’t know how to say this but… You are definitely moving on to the finals! That song had more soul than all the others put together, and I would never forgive myself if I voted against it.”
Zephyrus happily bows as his perfect score is declared. But there is no such thing as a tie in Fite Yer’ Mates, even if it happens to be a singing contest at the moment. For our finale, we will have the three remaining competitors perform with a friend. Their songs will be picked and judged by a final, surprise judge!
This judge is God’s blessing to music, a master of all things lyrical, an unfathomable wordsmith and the artisan responsible for changing the way you view music, our finale’s judge is…
“Being a good singer is all about flexibility. Singing one or two sings is nothing. Singing well outside of your comfort zone is how you prove that you are worthy of the crown. We are giving a crown to the winner, right? Anyway, here are the finale’s songs,” says Al as he hands Zephyrus, Deleter, and Starscream sheet music for them.
“You may now choose your partners!”
Zephyrus calls out to Oceanus, who scurries out of the crowd to perform a duet with Zephyrus.
The crowd is in an uproar of laughter as the two robots sing the silly song, mimicking cliché robotic movements as if they weren’t actually robots themselves. The two begin to real enjoy themselves, but they pretend to be emotionless since the song demands it of them. When their song is over, the audience gives a huge round of applause. Bubble Man hugs Zephyrus, hoping he helped his brother win the contest.
Al Yankovic weighs in: “That was a wonderful performance Zephyrus, your ability to switch from a serious and sad song to a fun and silly song is surely admirable, and I will definitely consider it in my final decisions.”
Starscream is the next performer, and Soundwave morphs into a tape deck. Starscream takes a tape and sticks it into Soundwave, begrudgingly accepting his assistance. A rather odd song begins to play as Starscream begins to march in place.
Again the audience is laughing up a storm as Starscream performs, singing the praises of the Navy despite hating it immensely, as if he didn’t hate most things. He is able to power through the song, never giving any sign he hated what he was singing, doing a proper dance for it and everything. One has to wonder why Starscream allows him to be subjected to such things. When he’s finished, Soundwave morphs back and leaves, laughing to himself at Starscream’s humiliating dancing and singing.
Al Yankovic weighs in: “Starscream, your ability to make us laugh with humiliating songs continues to shine through even now. I thought I had you with a song about something you absolutely despised, but I guess I was wrong. Excellent performance, you crazy Decepticon you!”
Deleter is up last, with Jonesy helping by playing the instrument and sound effects needed for the next song. Deleter wondered to himself how Al got a hold of this song, but he got ready to sing a song that dug deep into his old roots as a Terran Marine. Deleter sits on a stool and begins tapping his leg as he sings about the Battle of New Gettysburg.
The crowd enjoys the beat and the silly sound effects provided by Jonesy. The original song had terrible screams of pain, but Jonesy’s fake screams are much funnier and accompany Deleter’s singing much better. When the song is over, Jonesy gives Delmond a hug and takes a seat as Yankovic begins speaking.
Al Yankovic weighs in: “I was wondering how you would handle a song that brought up something dark from your past but in a somewhat silly light, and the answer I got was “well”. You performed that without a hint of any bad memories, and I laud you for doing so Delmond.”
All the competitors line up on the stage, with the exception of Sine, who is represented by Draco in a red wig.
Al Yankovic stands in front of them, “It is now time to sort the tiers and give the official rankings for the King of Beats Singing Contest!”
The crowd is silent as they await the results.
Weird Al begins to list of the rankings:
13th Place: Erebus
12th Place: Sine
11th Place: The Lord and Genocide
10th Place: Jaxx
9th Place: The artist formerly known as Saberrain
8th Place: Walter
7th Place: Sarah
6th Place: Eddie, Rain and his crew
5th Place: Chamberlyne
4th Place: Ilsaria
And now, for the final three. In third place, winner of the bronze scepter and the official Duke of Beats,
ZEPHYRUS!
The final two remain. One will be the Prince of Beats and receive a set of silver rings and a pendant. The King of Beats will receive a jewel encrusted gold crown and an obligatory kingly robe.
In second place, the Prince of Beats is…
DELETER!
Meaning the King of Beats is…”
Gezora goes on to the stage, congratulating the robot before taking the microphone away from him.
Gezora begins to sing… Opposites are Fun.
When he finished, the crowd stares in horrified and stunned silence. Gezora takes this as a sign to sing another song, but as soon as he starts, people run away as fast as they can.
“Gezora knew it shouldn’t try to sing…”
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